Feeling Stretched?  Feeling like you have no time for anything?  Feeling frazzled and can’t even look beyond now? 

This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

How does that make you feel  when I say that?   Let me say it again.  This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

When I was in the thick of my caregiving overwhelm, I felt unprepared, stretched, frazzled and exhausted.  I was angry.  I would sit and cry.  I felt hopeless and even thought that there was something wrong with me.  I didn’t want to admit my new reality.  For some reason I thought this was a temporary thing. 

I was missing deadlines at work.  Couldn’t focus.   I make mistakes on my finances and my Mom’s finances.  I would lose my phone and my keys.   Any extra time I had, I would sit lifeless and just scroll social media or sleep.  

I was thinking,  am I getting dementia.  I lost control.   

The Reality is……..

Your life is now different.  Your schedule has changed.  Your responsibilities have changes.  

Raise your hand if you need to rethink your routine, schedule and mindset?  

My breakthrough was when I realized that I couldn’t just let this new normal control me.  I had to take the reins and control it.  

Life is valuable.  Your time is valuable.  Your health is valuable.  Your passions are valuable.  Your loved one is important to you.  Your friends and social life are important 

I told myself, I had it in me to figure it out.  I had to think like the manager of my life.  Think about the coach telling that player, I need you to play QB.   We need you.  Your mind might say - I never played that position before.  I don’t know the plays.   Well, what would you do?

Same goes...

Happy New Year!  It’s Cathy Here!

I 'm recording this episode on January 1, 2021.  It’s  a new year.  I know a lot of us are happy to say good-bye to 2020.   

As a country and world, we faced challenges that we never thought we would ever face.  The pandemic changed our lives.  

• Did you have to change the way you worked?  
• Did you have to change the way you shopped?
• Did you have to change the way you connected with your family and friends?
• Did you have to change the way you took care of your loved one?  
• Did you change yourself personally?
• Did you take on any new routines?  

2020 taught me to NOT take things for granted.   Hugs from my family, celebrations

It taught me how to enjoy the little things.   Facetime chats, videos, board games

It taught me it’s ok to sit quiet.   I journaled more than ever

It taught me to take advantage of the situation.   I thought about my purpose

In October 2020, I started my podcast The Caregiver Wife.  I wanted to share my experiences, lessons learned and more with other Caregivers.  So I paid for a digital course and within a month, I was on air.   I have met some pretty amazing women who share their hardships, their courage and most importantly how they figure things out in their new normal as a Caregiver.

I heard the story of Dana, whose spouse is bedridden from a car accident.  They have been married for 15 years and have 4 children.  Life changed when she got the call.  She had to figure out how to work and take car of her husband.  She learned that reaching out for resource is key for her.  She has a nurse coming in 2 days a week to help with bathing and care.  She also has a physical therapist 2 times a week.  She now has all her groceries, pharmacy and essentials delivered to her home.   She is continuing to find ways to time manage better....

Have you said one of these statements?  

• “I feel so alone and isolated.”
• “I miss my friends”
• “I miss my spouse”
• “I would give anything to step back in time and enjoy the holidays of the past”
• “I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything”
• “ I am lonely and sad”

For caregivers, feelings isolated and lonely is a common complaint I hear and what I experienced quite often myself and a lot during the holidays.  You feel isolated and withdrawn from your family, friends and your daily routines.   You most likely had to replace time with caregiving duties or you stay behind from activities since your spouse can’t go.  

Some of my very dark, lonely days were 

• New Year’s Eve with my spouse going to bed at 8pm since he had his chemo treatment that day.  
• Working from home - I made the decision back in December of 2017 so that I could be closer to home 
• Declining weddings, dinners and special occasions knowing Denis wouldn’t be up to it. 
• and now add the 2020 pandemic to that mix.  

In a recent June 2020, National Center for Health article. 

• 43.7%, of caregivers reported moderate loneliness (almost half)
• 17.7% reported severe loneliness. 

In a AARP report 

• Overall 50% of caregivers were being diagnosed for depression. 

This can lead to a withdrawal from social activities and relationships that you previously enjoyed. You may also find that you’re literally facing isolation. 

I saw this in my Mom caring for my Dad back in 2017-2018.  She didn’t leave his side much and I was over 250 miles away.  The only interaction she had was by phone, an occasional visitor when my Dad was up to it and a quick run to the grocery store.   The nights were the hardest.

I am sure lonely feels are present for you too.  

So let’s...

Today I want to talk about Wilma.  Who is she?   She is that talk in your head that keeps you up at night.  She talks and raises your stress level.   She keeps distracting you.  She drives you crazy sometimes.  

I know you and I have Wilma in our head on occasion.   She is the worrier. 

This past week, I let Wilma the Worrier take control of me.   My husband, Denis wasn’t feeling well and had two occasions where he was nauseous, had stomach pain and fatigue.  If you haven’t hear about Denis, let me quick tell you his health journey.   He was diagnosed in 2017 with CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) and then int 2018 his cancer morphed into Hodgkins Lymphoma.   He is currently in remission but when he gets sick or has symptoms, we tend to get nervous.  

Like I said, I let my brain control me with the Wilma worry.  I laid in bed and couldn’t sleep with worry, I then started obsessing over Google and searching for symptoms and possible reasons for him not feeling well.  

I told myself that I had this mastered.  I worked really hard in 2018 to not let worry control me.  

Can you relate?  

Overwhelm and most specifically worry comes back when you least expect it.  

What I have learned is that you have to recognize it and come to the realization that you are doing it.  

Once I recognize it I have my own “go to plan”  

1.   Self Talk 

My self talk are those quiet times in the shower, when I am driving, working out, sitting alone. 

It’s my real talk.   That 25% of your brain that is positive, optimistic

2.  Journal

Get that notebook or journal and start writing things out.  I wrote out all the what if, the whys, then I don’t want to go back into a hard season.  I recommend you keep writing until you’ve  exhausted all...

Self-care is often an important action and ritual for the stresses of modern life, but for caregivers, it's not just a luxury—it's a necessity. This podcast episode delves into the art of self-care, specifically tailored for those who spend their days caring for others. The conversation begins with a reflective look at the past year, urging caregivers to assess their 2023 journey and set intentions for a rejuvenated 2024.

Listeners are walked through a visualization exercise aimed at confronting overwhelming feelings, a common morning greeting for many caregivers. The power of this mental exercise lies in its ability to create a resilient strategy for managing stress. It emphasizes that while caregiving can be an all-consuming role, the caregiver's well-being is paramount and deserves equal attention.

The episode's narrative continues by likening the caregiver's energy to a phone battery—underscoring the need for regular recharging to maintain optimal functioning. The speaker touches on a poignant truth; self-care isn't an indulgence but a necessary aspect of maintaining both physical and mental well-being. Furthermore, it posits self-care as an essential component of a caregiver's responsibilities, challenging the notion that prioritizing oneself is a selfish act.

In discussing the transformative power of incremental steps towards self-care, the episode sheds light on the speaker's personal journey. By integrating simple actions like hydrating more, starting a journal, and slowly building a routine, caregivers are shown a practical roadmap to enhancing their quality of life. Tracking progress is highlighted as a tool for celebrating growth and positivity, reinforcing the idea that every small step is a significant leap towards better health and vitality.

As the episode progresses, listeners are encouraged to identify and implement small self-care actions into their daily routine. It acknowledges the common excuses of tiredness and...

FACT:  You have 168 hours a week.  24 hours a day.  No more.  

• How many hours do you work your 9-5 job or business?
• How many hours do you spend doing work around your home?
• How many hours errands (that grocery shopping, pharmacy hours)
• Now at the time of the podcast - it’s holiday season - so how many hours are you shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating or doing other activities of the season. 
• How many hours do you spend caregiving
• Then your time and hopefully it’s self-care your me time 

Have you said any of these words out loud or to yourself  

• I am so tired? 
• I can barely make it through the day. 
• I would give anything to take a nap. 
• I can’t remember the last time I had a goodnight sleep. 
• Ijust keep drinking caffeine hoping to stay awake. 

Here was a schedule I had back in 2017 

• It’s Monday
• Get up at 5:30 am 
• Household chores (throw in a load of wash, tidy up around the house and water the flowers outside)
• Pack my lunch and work laptop and supplies)
• Journal and 30 minutes of working my business
• Then shower and quick breakfast
• 7:00 - drive my spouse to his day 1 of 3 chemotherapies and doctor appointments
• Lab work, doctor’s appt and then sit by the chemotherapy chair until 3pm
• I work my 9-5 job during that time
• 3pm drive spouse home.  He is not feeling well.  So get him in his lazy boy with crackers, jello and a warm blanket.
• Go to my home office and finish 9-5 job.  
• 5pm:  fold that laundry, make dinner, dishes - spouse isn’t hungry and goes to bed.  
• 7-10 pm:  work on my business
• 10pm check on spouse and get ready for bed
• 11pm spouse is up not feeling well - get him some Tylenol
• Can’t sleep due to worry - get up and down checking on spouse

The next day the same.  

Here’s another day in 2018

• 7am - decided to sleep in later now since I am so tired from last...

How many of you laid in bed and wished that the world would just go away?   When I was growing up I remember that song…. Make the world go away,  (play)   I know I am aging myself.  

Yes it’s normal to feel like that on occasion.  But reality is, we have to get up and live our life.     

What does your day look like?

• A day of doctor appointments
• A day of chemotherapy or physical therapy
• Is your spouse having surgery today
• Is it staying home and taking care of your spouse
• Are you working?
• Are you trying to figure out how to get that appliance repaired
• Do you have to clean the house or do the laundry
• Grocery shopping
• Launching a new product in your business?

What is your mind saying this morning to you?   

• I am stressed
• I am anxious
• I am struggling 
• I am sad
• I am angry
• I am frustrated
• It’s ground hog’s day
• I am excited
• I am feeling joy

Our minds are incredibly powerful.    You can influence your mood each day.  

Your mind will welcome the easy way out like negativity (the downward) thoughts saying just go back to bed or stay in that sad mood.   It will tell you it’s ok and convince you of it..  

You'll have to work hard to get your mind to accept it’s positivity (upward) thoughts.  Sometimes it’s really really hard.   If I’m in a super duper downward spiral, I’ll tell my ind to take a hike.   “Hit the road jack and don’t you come back…..”  

Think of your mind as a muscle.  You will have to build that muscle to think upward especially in hard and challenging times.   If you want a 6 pack abs, you have to work at it.  

I am not saying you have to be happy or fake happy.  But you can find push through and find joy in your day.   You have a choice to wake up and make the best of the...

Friend, you’re in for a real treat today with my guest, Esther Mbabzi.  She’s an oncology nurse with tons of passion, stories and amazing advice for you.   

I love how Esther shares experiences with her patients and their Caregivers when they are in the toughest parts of their life and the reality of the situation..

Esther lives in Norway and in addition to working in oncology, she is creating a digital course for Caregivers of spouses with colon cancer.  The course’s purpose is to guide caregivers from the moment diagnosed and show them how to walk from within.   She focuses first on the Caregiver’s mindset before all else.   You can find more information and a free spousal care guide at https://arisehaven.com

In this podcast conversation, you’ll hear 

• Personal stories reinforcing that everyone is different and handles crises differently,
• What the caregiver wife needs to know and do, and 
• Great advice on the things you can control and things outside of your control.  

>> I have three key takeaways:

1. Eshter’s hope for Caregivers:  “My hope is realization.  It’s a progress.  You have to go through it step by step until you realize it’s your new normal.  
2. Your number one priority when your spouse is diagnosed with cancer is your own self-care, not your spouse.   A tired caregiver is no good to anyone.  
3. Caregivers always say that they lose contact with others.  Reasons are that people don’t know what to say to you.  They think you are busy or taking a nap.  They think you will reach out to them when you need help.  So it’s you that has to stay connected.  

This may sound harsh and bold,  and I don’t mean it to be this way.   But when you look at the glass half empty , you'll continue to stay that way.   Complaining, moping and negativity are easy.  

Yes,  you are experiencing a terrible, challenging time.   I'm sending hugs and warm thoughts.   BUT,  let me be your best friend in your ear.   You have to pick yourself up!   Everything, I mean everything in your life isn't broken.  Yes, your spouse is sick, your new normal is hard but there are parts that are ok.  

Today I want to talk about making the best of EVERY situation.  

I'm hearing many complaining about the holidays not being good this year.   Yes, we're quarantining and being asked to stay home.  But, what about those ppl that lost their loved ones?  What about the people that lost their jobs and are losing their home?

Instead of saying and thinking negative.  Think:  No hustle and bustle, I don’t have to get dressed up.  I don’t have to travel.  We can stay in our pjs all day.   We can have dinner anytime we want to.   We can try new things.  We can Facetime our families.  

Same goes for you!  Instead of focusing on the challenges first , I encourage you to find joy & gratitude first.

Let’s do something fun.   I’ll  give you a couple situations we can find a piece of joy in it.   

 Your sump pump stopped working.  You walk down your basement and it’s flooded.  Four inches of water and everything is wet.  Your spouse just had knee surgery and can’t help.     Yes, this happened to me.  

• Silver Lining:  I was able to call for help and get my boys over and my mom helped.   It was amazing how we worked together and got the basement cleaned up and a new pump put in 
• I could have...

As I was prepping for this podcast,  I went back to a dark day in 2018.   I didn’t want to get out of bed, I called in sick from my 9-5 job and actually lied about being sick.   I just wanted to get in the car and drive away.  How far could I go before anyone noticed? I seriously wanted to run away from my life.  

That day I did go for a drive.  I spent that day really figuring out where I was.  I had to face reality.  I had to accept my new normal, grieve my old life and move forward.   It was a huge tipping point for me. 

It is hard to face this reality , but truth is, you have to hear it .  You have to take that step forward.

I have a free handout for you.  This is what I wrote out that day.  Go to www. cathylvan.com/newnormal 

Now it’s not the magical potion or a solution, but it helped me shift my thoughts and emotions to make the best of the situation and get that positive mindset working. 

I want to talk about YOU, your choices and your new normal.   

• It’s hard
• It sucks
• You can’t focus
• I am stressed
• I am angry
• I am in shock
• I am confused
• I think you get what I am saying.  

It’s not fair and you didn’t see it coming.  

But you could say - it’s bad, it’s awful, I am done.  I can’t do this.  I have to quit my life, It’s my life now.  

Or you can say this new normal is my new challenge, my new struggle and I will adjust.   

I love this stat.    A person has 60k thoughts daily.  45k of those thoughts are negative, pessimistic, doubtful, etc.  That means only 25% of our thoughts are positive, optimistic, etc

So it takes a heck of a lot of work to shift your brain, train your brain and look at it with reality and the choice to be positive.

Caregiving it hard.  Watching your spouse’s illness or injury is hard.  

I remember going to the...