Feeling Lonely? How Do I Manage It?

Have you said one of these statements?  

• “I feel so alone and isolated.”
• “I miss my friends”
• “I miss my spouse”
• “I would give anything to step back in time and enjoy the holidays of the past”
• “I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything”
• “ I am lonely and sad”

For caregivers, feelings isolated and lonely is a common complaint I hear and what I experienced quite often myself and a lot during the holidays.  You feel isolated and withdrawn from your family, friends and your daily routines.   You most likely had to replace time with caregiving duties or you stay behind from activities since your spouse can’t go.  

Some of my very dark, lonely days were 

• New Year’s Eve with my spouse going to bed at 8pm since he had his chemo treatment that day.  
• Working from home - I made the decision back in December of 2017 so that I could be closer to home 
• Declining weddings, dinners and special occasions knowing Denis wouldn’t be up to it. 
• and now add the 2020 pandemic to that mix.  

In a recent June 2020, National Center for Health article. 

• 43.7%, of caregivers reported moderate loneliness (almost half)
• 17.7% reported severe loneliness. 

In a AARP report 

• Overall 50% of caregivers were being diagnosed for depression. 

This can lead to a withdrawal from social activities and relationships that you previously enjoyed. You may also find that you’re literally facing isolation. 

I saw this in my Mom caring for my Dad back in 2017-2018.  She didn’t leave his side much and I was over 250 miles away.  The only interaction she had was by phone, an occasional visitor when my Dad was up to it and a quick run to the grocery store.   The nights were the hardest.

I am sure lonely feels are present for you too.  

So let’s talk about how to reduce those feelings and talk through some tips.    

I have a 4 question process  - four questions to ask yourself. It’s best if you grab a pen and notebook and journal these questions.  You’ll be able to look back on these and gain insights.  

1.  Why am I lonely?  

• Journal it out
• Be honest with yourself 
• List the truths and facts

(I don’t have conversations or chats, I want to dress up and go out, it feels like ground hog’s day everyday,  i feel like I don’t have an outside interest,  i want things to be the same again.  Are you an extrovert?    Are you bored?)

2.  What am I missing?

• Family?  Friends?
• Routines? Habits?
• Relationships?
• Work? 
• Gym 

(miss dinner dates, miss family gatherings, workouts at the gym, impromptu visits or drives, crafting night, church services, etc)

3.  How do I feel?

• Depressed, sad
• Angry, resentment
• Disengaged
• Grief, loss
• Tired 

Once you have a clear picture of the facts and your feelings, you can then move into ways to improve your situation.  

4.  How do I manage and improve your loneliness?

• It starts with you figuring out what works for you.  It may take some time to find your loneliness cure.  Here’s a few ideas I brainstaormed.  
• What activities can you do?  (by yourself & with other ppl) 
• Make a list of your “go to” ppl you can connect with when lonely - text, facetime, call
• Make an effort to reach out even when you don’t want to.  
• Try giving back - volunteer time - mom and I rang bells
• Move your body - walking, dancing, 
• Seek therapy
• Take a social media break 
• Get some sunshine
• Hobbies
• Baking
• Music
• Join a group

I know what you are saying.  I can’t do these things. 

• I am stuck and my spouse needs me.  
• I don’t have time
• I feel guilty if I go and do something

But if you don’t….

• 29% increase in heart disease and a 32% increase in stroke. 
• Weight gain
• Relationship issues 
• Fear sets in 
• Isolation paralysis
• You start feeling comfortable lonely
• Depression

“My caregiver mantra is to remember: the only control you have is over the changes you choose to make.”– Nancy L. Kriseman

#chooseyourjoy  #chooseyourattiude #chooseyourway

I hope you enjoyed today’s episode.  Caregiving can be very overwhelming but when you break it down and focus on yourself first, YOU CAN manage this.  

Bye for now!