Just when you think you have it figured out, there is a challenging day, week or urgent situation that happens.  Reality is that there are tons and tons of variables which play into your stressors and anxiety:  atmosphere, people, your love one (illness, injury, mood), your mood, outside distractions, frustrations and more. 

Dr Roderick Logan from Arizona Trauma Institute shared a You Tube presentation where he uses a water bottle to demonstrate the need for resilience to overcome stress and compassion fatigue in the workplace and personal life.   

How to reduce or stop feeling anxious, referenced WebMD

1. Stay in your time zone
2. Relabel what's happening
3. Fact-check your thoughts
4. Breathe in and out
5. Follow the 3-3-3 rule
6. Just do something
7. Stand up straight
8. Stay away from sugar
9. Ask for a second opinion
10. Watch a funny video or music

Tips to manage stress, referenced WebMD

1. Exercise
2. Relax your muscles
3. Deep breathing
4. Eat well
5. Slow down
6. Take a break
7. Make time for hobbies
8. Talk about your problems
9. Go easy on yourself
10. Eliminate your triggers

Identify which caregiver stress stage you are in.  You can then make adjustments and find ways to reduce and manage it.  

You can then start setting healthy boundaries or what I like to call self-love boundaries.  Remember the goal is to find joy in your journey and take care of yourself.  

In the hustle of caregiving, self-care often falls by the wayside, especially in the early hours when the demands of the day seem to pile up before the sun even rises. But what if the secret to managing stress and fostering well-being lies in the way we greet the morning? This is the empowering premise behind a recent episode of the Caregiver Cup podcast, where listeners are invited to delve into the transformative potential of morning routines.

The episode opens with a candid personal narrative, as the host shares a pivotal moment from six years ago that catalyzed a significant shift in perspective. This vulnerability leads to a broader discussion about the benefits of morning rituals for caregivers. It's not merely a list of tasks; it's about embracing a practice that has the power to ripple positive change across various aspects of life.

One key concept introduced is "habit stacking," which encourages caregivers to build momentum with small, consistent wins each morning. These wins, though seemingly insignificant on their own, compound to create a significant impact on one's daily routine. By introducing elements like stretching, meditation, and journaling, the host demonstrates how such practices have personally led to improved mental clarity and overall well-being.

As the episode progresses, practical steps to create a personalized morning routine are laid out. Gratitude journaling and embracing life's challenges—or, as the host refers to it, 'Embracing the Suck'—are suggested as tools to cultivate resilience. Furthermore, the episode addresses the common pitfalls that caregivers might encounter, such as overcommitting or selecting activities that inadvertently increase stress.

The podcast emphasizes assessing one's day in "zones," advocating for the integration of self-care into the first zone of the day to set a positive tone. The host's own rituals, shared across different seasons of caregiving, illustrate the adaptability and necessity...

Caregiving is an act of love and devotion, but it can also lead to an emotional and physical toll on the caregiver. The stress and demands of caregiving can often lead to burnout—a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged and excessive stress. Recognizing the signs of burnout and implementing self-care strategies is not just beneficial but necessary for the well-being of both the caregiver and the recipient of care.

In our latest podcast episode, we delve into the intricacies of caregiver stress and burnout, providing personal anecdotes and professional advice on how to navigate these challenges. The episode begins with an exploration of the caregiver's emotional gauntlet, a silent struggle that many endure without recognition. The personal narrative shared by the host highlights the critical point of acknowledging the stress and taking actionable steps to address it.

The podcast then outlines ten behaviors that lead caregivers down the path of exhaustion. It sheds light on the dangerous pattern of always saying 'yes' and the stress of people-pleasing. This discussion emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries and recognizing the limits to prevent burnout. The episode also provides insight into the consequences of attempting to control everything and the need for caregivers to acknowledge their limits.

Moving forward, the podcast stresses the importance of self-care as a preventive measure against burnout. Quality sleep, proper nutrition, and maintaining connections with others are underscored as essential elements of a caregiver's self-care regimen. Practical tips for managing sleep, eating well during busy times, and the importance of social interactions are shared, highlighting how these can support mental health and prevent isolation.

In the final segment, the host discusses the impact of stress on the body and mind, sharing personal experiences of feeling overwhelmed. Strategies for finding respite and...

Today's episode is all about you and your overwhelm.  The true facts about how this stress, anxiety, burnout and fatigue creep up on you and before you know it, you are in the thick of it and don’t know what to do.  

When I first became a caregiver, I let the adrenaline drive me through the overwhelm.  When that faded, I let my mind and body do the work.  Well looking back, I now see the 3 stages of overwhelm I went through and it’s toll it took on myself, my Loved One, my friendships and more.  

That’s why over the last month, I sat down and really did some digging into this subject.  I researched 100s of articles, interviewed caregivers and fead all my journal entries, text messages, facebook post on where I was at.

So today, I want to highlight the 3 stages of caregiver overwhelm - the whats, the why, the hows and more.    You can find the entire resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress

1. Caregiver Stress
2. Caregiver Burnout
3. Compassion Fatigue

Overwhelm is reality.  It’s hard, It sucks but it can be a joyful and rewarding experience.  So when you run over that nail or screw,  think about how you want to fix it vs just putting air in your tire.  Get in front of your overwhelm by seeking help or tools to get you on the path to reducing the stress and anxiety.  

So grab my free resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress.   Let me help you through this journey.   It is important to look at your caregiver cup and control what goes in it.  You can’t pour from an empty cup.   

Send hugs and warmth your way.   Talk to you again next week. 

Feeling Stretched?  Feeling like you have no time for anything?  Feeling frazzled and can’t even look beyond now? 

This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

How does that make you feel  when I say that?   Let me say it again.  This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

When I was in the thick of my caregiving overwhelm, I felt unprepared, stretched, frazzled and exhausted.  I was angry.  I would sit and cry.  I felt hopeless and even thought that there was something wrong with me.  I didn’t want to admit my new reality.  For some reason I thought this was a temporary thing. 

I was missing deadlines at work.  Couldn’t focus.   I make mistakes on my finances and my Mom’s finances.  I would lose my phone and my keys.   Any extra time I had, I would sit lifeless and just scroll social media or sleep.  

I was thinking,  am I getting dementia.  I lost control.   

The Reality is……..

Your life is now different.  Your schedule has changed.  Your responsibilities have changes.  

Raise your hand if you need to rethink your routine, schedule and mindset?  

My breakthrough was when I realized that I couldn’t just let this new normal control me.  I had to take the reins and control it.  

Life is valuable.  Your time is valuable.  Your health is valuable.  Your passions are valuable.  Your loved one is important to you.  Your friends and social life are important 

I told myself, I had it in me to figure it out.  I had to think like the manager of my life.  Think about the coach telling that player, I need you to play QB.   We need you.  Your mind might say - I never played that position before.  I don’t know the plays.   Well, what would you do?

Same goes...

Today I want to talk about Wilma.  Who is she?   She is that talk in your head that keeps you up at night.  She talks and raises your stress level.   She keeps distracting you.  She drives you crazy sometimes.  

I know you and I have Wilma in our head on occasion.   She is the worrier. 

This past week, I let Wilma the Worrier take control of me.   My husband, Denis wasn’t feeling well and had two occasions where he was nauseous, had stomach pain and fatigue.  If you haven’t hear about Denis, let me quick tell you his health journey.   He was diagnosed in 2017 with CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) and then int 2018 his cancer morphed into Hodgkins Lymphoma.   He is currently in remission but when he gets sick or has symptoms, we tend to get nervous.  

Like I said, I let my brain control me with the Wilma worry.  I laid in bed and couldn’t sleep with worry, I then started obsessing over Google and searching for symptoms and possible reasons for him not feeling well.  

I told myself that I had this mastered.  I worked really hard in 2018 to not let worry control me.  

Can you relate?  

Overwhelm and most specifically worry comes back when you least expect it.  

What I have learned is that you have to recognize it and come to the realization that you are doing it.  

Once I recognize it I have my own “go to plan”  

1.   Self Talk 

My self talk are those quiet times in the shower, when I am driving, working out, sitting alone. 

It’s my real talk.   That 25% of your brain that is positive, optimistic

2.  Journal

Get that notebook or journal and start writing things out.  I wrote out all the what if, the whys, then I don’t want to go back into a hard season.  I recommend you keep writing until you’ve  exhausted all...

FACT:  You have 168 hours a week.  24 hours a day.  No more.  

• How many hours do you work your 9-5 job or business?
• How many hours do you spend doing work around your home?
• How many hours errands (that grocery shopping, pharmacy hours)
• Now at the time of the podcast - it’s holiday season - so how many hours are you shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating or doing other activities of the season. 
• How many hours do you spend caregiving
• Then your time and hopefully it’s self-care your me time 

Have you said any of these words out loud or to yourself  

• I am so tired? 
• I can barely make it through the day. 
• I would give anything to take a nap. 
• I can’t remember the last time I had a goodnight sleep. 
• Ijust keep drinking caffeine hoping to stay awake. 

Here was a schedule I had back in 2017 

• It’s Monday
• Get up at 5:30 am 
• Household chores (throw in a load of wash, tidy up around the house and water the flowers outside)
• Pack my lunch and work laptop and supplies)
• Journal and 30 minutes of working my business
• Then shower and quick breakfast
• 7:00 - drive my spouse to his day 1 of 3 chemotherapies and doctor appointments
• Lab work, doctor’s appt and then sit by the chemotherapy chair until 3pm
• I work my 9-5 job during that time
• 3pm drive spouse home.  He is not feeling well.  So get him in his lazy boy with crackers, jello and a warm blanket.
• Go to my home office and finish 9-5 job.  
• 5pm:  fold that laundry, make dinner, dishes - spouse isn’t hungry and goes to bed.  
• 7-10 pm:  work on my business
• 10pm check on spouse and get ready for bed
• 11pm spouse is up not feeling well - get him some Tylenol
• Can’t sleep due to worry - get up and down checking on spouse

The next day the same.  

Here’s another day in 2018

• 7am - decided to sleep in later now since I am so tired from last...

This may sound harsh and bold,  and I don’t mean it to be this way.   But when you look at the glass half empty , you'll continue to stay that way.   Complaining, moping and negativity are easy.  

Yes,  you are experiencing a terrible, challenging time.   I'm sending hugs and warm thoughts.   BUT,  let me be your best friend in your ear.   You have to pick yourself up!   Everything, I mean everything in your life isn't broken.  Yes, your spouse is sick, your new normal is hard but there are parts that are ok.  

Today I want to talk about making the best of EVERY situation.  

I'm hearing many complaining about the holidays not being good this year.   Yes, we're quarantining and being asked to stay home.  But, what about those ppl that lost their loved ones?  What about the people that lost their jobs and are losing their home?

Instead of saying and thinking negative.  Think:  No hustle and bustle, I don’t have to get dressed up.  I don’t have to travel.  We can stay in our pjs all day.   We can have dinner anytime we want to.   We can try new things.  We can Facetime our families.  

Same goes for you!  Instead of focusing on the challenges first , I encourage you to find joy & gratitude first.

Let’s do something fun.   I’ll  give you a couple situations we can find a piece of joy in it.   

 Your sump pump stopped working.  You walk down your basement and it’s flooded.  Four inches of water and everything is wet.  Your spouse just had knee surgery and can’t help.     Yes, this happened to me.  

• Silver Lining:  I was able to call for help and get my boys over and my mom helped.   It was amazing how we worked together and got the basement cleaned up and a new pump put in 
• I could have...

As I was prepping for this podcast,  I went back to a dark day in 2018.   I didn’t want to get out of bed, I called in sick from my 9-5 job and actually lied about being sick.   I just wanted to get in the car and drive away.  How far could I go before anyone noticed? I seriously wanted to run away from my life.  

That day I did go for a drive.  I spent that day really figuring out where I was.  I had to face reality.  I had to accept my new normal, grieve my old life and move forward.   It was a huge tipping point for me. 

It is hard to face this reality , but truth is, you have to hear it .  You have to take that step forward.

I have a free handout for you.  This is what I wrote out that day.  Go to www. cathylvan.com/newnormal 

Now it’s not the magical potion or a solution, but it helped me shift my thoughts and emotions to make the best of the situation and get that positive mindset working. 

I want to talk about YOU, your choices and your new normal.   

• It’s hard
• It sucks
• You can’t focus
• I am stressed
• I am angry
• I am in shock
• I am confused
• I think you get what I am saying.  

It’s not fair and you didn’t see it coming.  

But you could say - it’s bad, it’s awful, I am done.  I can’t do this.  I have to quit my life, It’s my life now.  

Or you can say this new normal is my new challenge, my new struggle and I will adjust.   

I love this stat.    A person has 60k thoughts daily.  45k of those thoughts are negative, pessimistic, doubtful, etc.  That means only 25% of our thoughts are positive, optimistic, etc

So it takes a heck of a lot of work to shift your brain, train your brain and look at it with reality and the choice to be positive.

Caregiving it hard.  Watching your spouse’s illness or injury is hard.  

I remember going to the...

My caregiving journey started in September 2017.  Life went from normal to being tossed in the air falling apart.   I know that’s pretty dramatic, but that was reality.   

It meant immediate action mode to help my spouse fight cancer.   I learned the many roles of Caregiver fast (scheduler, advocate, chauffeur, nurse)  plus all the medical terminologies and procedures ( biopsies, hematology, chemotherapy, CT scans, PET scans).

In the midst of this, I felt like I was riding a roller coaster.  My emotions went from shock to lack of focus to sadness to denial to worry to anger and more.   Then when I felt like I could manage my emotions, overwhelm and exhaustion became my new visitor.  

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the one thing that shifted me in the right direction.   I took 15 minutes and sat down with a notebook and pen and reflected on the big picture. 

Get my FREE “big picture” handout that will get you to see where you were, where you are and gets you working towards a better version of you in this caregiving journey.

Let’s get to this big picture episode!