E217: Making Space as a Caregiver: Essential Steps to Reclaim Your Well-Being

Welcome to The Caregiver Cup Podcast!

Today, we’re diving into a crucial topic: "Making Space as a Caregiver." One of the biggest mistakes caregivers make (myself included) is putting ourselves on hold, which eventually takes a toll on our well-being. Let's talk about how to "make space," recharge, and find your personalized well-being.

The Importance of Making Space

Caregiving is demanding and can consume every aspect of your life if you let it. Let me share a few stories (names and details have been altered for privacy), but I’m sure you’ll relate.

Emma’s Story: The Overwhelmed Caregiver

Emma was a full-time caregiver for her elderly mother with Alzheimer's. She devoted all her time and energy to her mother, often skipping meals and losing sleep. Emma felt guilty even thinking about taking time for herself, believing it was selfish. Over time, her health deteriorated—she was constantly tired, emotionally drained, and began experiencing severe headaches.

One day, Emma fainted while helping her mother and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor told her that her body was under immense stress and she needed to take care of herself to care for her mother. This was Emma’s wake-up call. She realized that neglecting her health was putting both herself and her mother at risk.

Emma decided to set aside time each day for herself. She started small—taking a 30-minute walk, reading a book, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea. She also reached out to a local support group for caregivers and found comfort in sharing her experiences with others who understood her challenges. With these changes, Emma's health improved, and she found herself more capable and patient in her caregiving role.

Emma’s journey highlights skipped meals, poor sleep quality, and body signals like tiredness, headaches, and emotional drain. Her transformation didn’t happen overnight. We worked on making simple changes, like taking two 30-minute breaks. After two weeks, she found what worked for her: a morning walk before her mom woke up, an afternoon break with help, and one hour a week meeting with other caregivers.

JoAnn’s Story: The Guilt-Ridden Caregiver

JoAnn was the primary caregiver for her wife, who had multiple sclerosis. She felt a deep sense of duty and guilt, believing that taking any time for herself meant she was failing her wife. Jo worked long hours to provide for their family and then spent her evenings and weekends caring for her wife. She had no time for hobbies or socializing and felt increasingly isolated and depressed.

Jo’s friend, who had been through a similar experience, noticed Jo’s declining health and intervened. She shared her own story of burnout and emphasized the importance of self-care. Jo reluctantly agreed to connect with me and started delegating some caregiving tasks to family members and professional caregivers.

Talking to me helped Jo assess her mindset, see her situation clearly, and understand what had to shift. She began scheduling regular "me time," engaging in activities she enjoyed, like biking, gardening, and playing guitar. Gradually, Jo felt her energy and enthusiasm returning, and her relationship with her wife improved as she became less stressed and more present.

We made a list of everything Jo did—caregiving, housework, yard work, errands, and her job. Then she began identifying where she could delegate and how. It was extremely hard at first, but we tackled one thing at a time. After about a month, Jo’s energy came back. She is becoming a great manager and an even more engaged wife.

Recognize the Signs of Neglecting Self-Care

It’s crucial to recognize the signs that you’re neglecting self-care: physical signs like fatigue, headaches, and illness; emotional signs like irritability, sadness, and feeling overwhelmed. When I’m neglecting myself, I become complain-y, moody, and frustrated. I start seeing more negativity in everything. Other signs can include anger, resentment, and isolation.

These signs are your body’s way of telling you something needs to change. Validate your feelings—it's okay to acknowledge them—but don’t stay stuck there. Recognize the importance of making space for yourself.

Practical Steps to Make Space

Start with self-compassion. Understand that it’s okay to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Recognize the hard work you’re doing. Every step you take to set boundaries is a step towards better health and better care.

Take small steps. Set one small boundary, like taking a 10-minute break each day, and gradually add more. Celebrate each boundary you set, no matter how small.

Communicate clearly. Be honest and direct when setting boundaries. Use “I” statements to express your needs without sounding accusatory.

Involve your support network. Don’t hesitate to ask family, friends, or neighbors for help. Connect with other caregivers who understand your challenges.

Set realistic expectations. Be realistic about what you can and can’t do. It’s okay to say no to tasks that overwhelm you. Adjust your boundaries as needed.

Make time for yourself. Even a few minutes a day can make a big difference. Use this time to do something you enjoy or simply to relax. Regularly engage in activities that promote your physical and mental well-being.

Create a routine. Establish a daily routine that includes time for caregiving and time for yourself. Consistency helps in managing chaos. Stick to it as best you can.

Use technology to your advantage. Set reminders for breaks, personal time, or appointments. Utilize apps and online resources designed for caregivers.

Educate yourself. Read books, attend workshops, or consult a counselor to understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Knowing how boundaries improve your well-being can motivate you to implement them.

Practice patience. It takes time to establish and maintain boundaries. Don’t be too hard on yourself if it takes a while to get it right. Understand that setting boundaries is a process.

Recharging Techniques

Mindfulness and meditation can help caregivers stay grounded and reduce stress. Try simple meditation exercises to calm your mind. Regular physical activity benefits your mental and physical health—find easy ways to include exercise in your busy schedule. Maintain a balanced diet and ensure you get enough sleep.

Personalizing Your Well-Being Plan

Creating a well-being plan tailored to your needs is crucial. Assess your current well-being and identify areas that need attention. Set small, achievable goals that contribute to overall well-being. Develop a daily or weekly routine that includes self-care activities. Keep a journal or use an app to track progress and make adjustments as needed.

Conclusion

Today, we discussed the importance of making space as a caregiver. Through stories like Emma’s and JoAnn’s, we saw how neglecting our well-being can lead to serious consequences. Recognize the signs of neglect, and take practical steps to set healthy boundaries and recharge.

I’d love to hear from you! What do you do to make space for yourself as a caregiver? Send me a text and share your strategies and successes. Remember, making space for yourself is not selfish—it's essential. If you need help, I’m here to support you. Let’s continue this journey together, ensuring that we care for ourselves as we care for our loved ones.

Thank you for tuning in to The Caregiver Cup Podcast. Stay strong, stay well, and keep making space for yourself. Until next time!