How many times have you heard…

• “You got this!”
• “Your loved one is so lucky to have you.”
• “Cathy, I don’t know what I would do without you,” my mom would say.
• Or, “How do you do it all? You are unbelievable.”

It may feel good to hear this, but deep inside, you are wilting. You are a mess. You are so over your head.

Self-confidence plays a crucial role in our lives as caregivers, impacting our ability to provide care effectively and maintain our well-being. Caregiver false confidence is when we believe we can manage all aspects of caregiving without help or set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. It’s a mix of mindset, personality traits, and external influences.

When I became a new caregiver back in 2017, I never stopped to look at anything. I just jumped in and took it on. I was working, running a direct sales business, training for a half marathon, along with managing my personal relationships and home life.

I think that’s completely normal. But there are factors that contribute to false confidence.

Mindset

A caregiver with a fixed mindset believes that their abilities and skills are inherent and unchangeable. They think things cannot be significantly improved or adapted over time. They believe they can handle all caregiving challenges, seeing their skills as static and unchangeable, rather than something that can be developed through learning and experience.

They avoid help and additional resources because asking for help might feel like an admission of failure or inadequacy. They often fear failing because it would imply a lack of inherent ability. This leads to stress and anxiety as they strive to manage everything perfectly on their own.

Behaviors of a Caregiver with a Fixed Mindset include:

• Overestimation of Capabilities
• Resistance to Learning
• Reluctance to Delegate
• Perfectionism

They may strive for perfection in their caregiving duties to prove their sufficiency,...

In the sphere of caregiving, the concept of resilience is not merely a buzzword; it's a necessary trait for navigating the often tumultuous journey of providing care for loved ones. The latest episode of our podcast delves into the practicalities of crafting a toolkit designed for caregivers. This toolkit isn't just about equipping oneself with tangible items but also about accumulating a wealth of strategies and wisdom that can be tapped into during times of need.

The parallels drawn between the experiences of the podcast host in a high-stress corporate job and the role of a caregiver are compelling. They illustrate how life’s previous challenges serve as preparatory grounds for the caregiving role. The 'three I's' technique – Identify, Implement, and go All in – becomes a cornerstone for managing stress, where it was once applied to alleviate travel anxiety, it is now repurposed for caregiving scenarios.

Moreover, the podcast doesn't shy away from the emotional toll that caregiving can take. It openly discusses the feelings of anger and worry that are often intertwined with the caregiving experience. The host shares how, through her own journey, she's managed to transform these emotions into learning experiences, which have become integral parts of her resilience toolkit. This encourages listeners to reflect on their own experiences and recognize that they are not isolated in their struggles.

Creating a consistent routine is highlighted as a vital part of managing the chaos of caregiving. Drawing an analogy with a travel packing list, the podcast emphasizes how routines can anchor caregivers and provide a sense of control amidst the unpredictability of their responsibilities. This approach resonates with anyone who has felt adrift in the unpredictability of caregiving duties.

Furthermore, the podcast advocates for the importance of self-care. It acknowledges that to be able to give generously and with love, caregivers must first ensure...

You're a busy woman caregiver who feels pressured to be able to do it all,  juggling your career, family, caregiving, managing the household and more.

Superwoman Syndrome is exactly what it says it is - trying to be Superwoman. And more often than not, you're feeling overworked, overwhelmed and overly committed. You're also exhausted, anxious and stressed.  But don't worry - you are not alone.

According to Dr. Madeline Ann Lewis, co-author of Overcoming the Superwoman Syndrome, some of us wear this imaginary cape because we:

• Want to be the good, little girl
• Have a tendency towards people-pleasing
• Seek attention
• Want to feel like you can do it all
• You cannot say no to others
• To feel accomplished
• Have low self-esteem
• Strive for perfection

The Superwoman is also a good person, duty oriented, very responsible and truly desires to do what is right.

Symptoms of superwoman syndrome and caregiver burnout:  

• Bouts of irritability
• Inability to sleep or excessive sleep
• Memory issues
• Muscle tension
• Anxiety
• Sweating when not physically active
• Inability to concentrate
• General aches and pains

 It’s important to be aware of what your body is trying to tell you.  Aspiring to a level of perfectionism that is not attainable and sacrificing your well-being consistently will inevitably lead you down the path to caregiver stress, burnout and eventually fatigue.   It may rob you of your joy.  

Accumulated stress opens the door to a multitude of health issues, including early aging, heart disease, diabetes, obesity and gastrointestinal conditions. 

So it’s time to take off that costume and cape.  

When you recognize that superwoman syndrome or caregiver burnout is present in your caregiver life, it’s time to.  Shed that costume, untie that cape and figure out ways to overcome this.   

First and foremost it’s not easy to admit that you can’t do it all.  You don’t need to...

One of the biggest things caregivers are good at is worry.   

• What if Dad doesn’t take is heart medicine?
• What if we can’t find a kidney donor for my husband?
• What if the CT scan shows growth?
• What if I can’t get refinancing for our home to a lower rate because my partner is not employed?

These concerns are legitimate and serious, but constant worry is stressful and will wear you down.  

Too much worry can create anxiety, stop you from the easiest of problem solving and can cause tension in relationships.

Are you an excessive worrier? Perhaps you unconsciously think that if you "worry enough," you can prevent bad things from happening.  But the fact is, worrying can affect the body in ways that may surprise you. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and even cause you to be physically ill.

But being completely worry-free is unrealistic.  What is realistic is taking steps to reduce and release some of those worries.  

Ways to turn those worries into a productive way of thinking and working through what to do when that worry comes into your thoughts:

1. Ask yourself,   why am I worrying?    Occasional stress and anxiety is a normal part of life. You might worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about these and other things—even when there is little or no reason to worry about them.
2. Get your thoughts and worries on paper.  Write all your caregiving worries down on paper.  Yes, all of them.  Just writing things down helps you let go of some of the worries you’ve bottled up.  Seeing your thoughts in black and white can give you a better perspective and help you identify the specific things you’re concerned about.
3. Separate productive vs. unproductive worries.  Caregivers have both productive and...

Are you feeling like nothing is working in your Caregiver Life? Are you getting down on yourself with little hope that things will change? You're not alone. In this tough season, when caregiving feels overwhelming, it's crucial to remember three things.

1. You Are Not Alone: It might sound cliché, but acknowledging that you're not alone is essential. While it doesn't instantly alleviate the challenges, understanding that others have been there, too, can provide perspective and inspiration.

2. Caregiving Has Its Ups and Downs: Caregiving is a rollercoaster with its share of ups and downs. Recognizing this truth is the first step towards navigating the tough times effectively.

3. Stop Being So Hard on Yourself: Don't let missed tasks or mistakes define your worth. You can't control everything, and that's okay. Instead of self-criticism, ask yourself what went wrong, why it happened, and work towards a better plan.

Taking a Pause

Now, let's explore a crucial step in finding solutions: taking a pause. It might seem impossible in the constant demands of caregiving, but pausing and assessing the situation is vital. Picture it like recalibrating your GPS:

1. Slow Down and Assess the Situation FIRST: Even in the busiest caregiving moments, taking a moment to pause can provide clarity. Whether it's a day, half a day, or even an hour, find time to recalibrate.

2. Check-in with Your Mental Health: During this pause, ask yourself simple yet profound questions about your basic needs. Have you drunk water, been outside, eaten, had a regular bowel movement, moved your body, slept well, and connected with someone or something you treasure? If any answers are no, focus on those aspects this week.

Moving Forward with 7 Questions

Now that you've paused and assessed, it's time to move forward with intention and focus. Ask yourself these seven questions:

1. Who are 1-3 people I can talk to honestly about this situation?

   • Talking to others helps break the cycle of...

What about the hard days, the days when you want to throw in the towel, those days when you just want to quit being a caregiver.  As caregivers, you're navigating unbelievably complex and time-consuming situations.  

You're faced with the grimmest challenges 

• Your loved one is sick and you can’t fix it
• Your loved one is not the same person anymore 
• All your focus is on them, their symptoms and pains
• You’re the caregiver advocate
• You’re holding up the home and family 
• You’re dealing with finances and work
• Then add your own emotions/feelings onto that

How many times have you wished you could get off the caregiving train?  It’s not fun.  It’s a huge sacrifice.  Your heart is telling you to keep going but your mind and body are tapped and the pressure and exhaustion becomes too much.  

First, rid yourself of feeling guilty, embarrassed or shame.   You're human and it’s normal to wish things would just go away.   There’s no greater drain than holding yourself to unrealistic expectations or that picture of the perfect, committed caregiver.  

This caregiving journey isn’t short term, usually it’s a very long term journey.   You have to relook at your expectations of yourself and what you commit to.  You can’t hold up to a commitment and sacrifice that you originally thought you could.  

What can you give up.

You’re the CEO of a really complicated enterprise.  Successful CEOs are constantly re-evaluating their priorities every year, every month, every week and every day to figure out what’s most important. They delegate or let go of everything else. They know that otherwise they’d be ineffective.

Sit down and make a list of all the things you CAN give up; and all of things you could offload to other people. Be ruthless. Be strategic.

• Ask for help  
• Take breaks often
• Prioritize your...

Stress and anxiety can feel like  carrying around a very heavy backpack.  It feels like you can’t turn off your mind whether it’s worry, anger, or the thoughts of everything that has to be done or all the demands on you.  Your chest gets tightens when you hear a text alert or a phone ring.  

As working women  caregiving you are stretched and stressed at the highest levels and your body and mind are going to show signs and symptoms of stress and anxiety.  If you stay at that higher level, something is going to break and affect your overall well-being.  

Find a morning routine and mindset can help reduce and release stress.

Start your day with intention and a fresh mindset.  Choose to fill your mind with happiness, gratitude and joy each morning.   

Each day is different.  If I know my spouse has an appointment, I might say,  Today, I’m going to be optimistic and grateful for his oncology team.  If I know I know I have competing priorities today and my stress will be high, I might say,  Today, I’m going to choose to take things one at a time.  

Find a podcast, audio book or music that lifts you up in the morning.   Avoid listening to news, checking your emails or social media before.   You don’t want anything to get in the way of your morning.  

Check out these resource:

• https://www.cathylvan.com/blog/10
• https://www.cathylvan.com/morningtips
• https://www.cathylvan.com/greensmoothie

When you stick with it, you will realize the rewards:

• You find yourself and start believing in yourself. Set the intention to be a better person and feel your mind, soul and body.
• You build confidence and pride in YOU by being consistent. 
• You feel a sense of accomplishment for doing something for you.  

Stop waiting for it to be the perfect time or the right place - it’s never going to be the best time to start something.    You...

Caregivers often carry around undeserved guilt, believing that they aren’t doing enough for their loved ones. This guilt can make the caregiving role even more stressful than it already is. One might ask why a caregiver feels guilty when they’re doing such a courageous job.

Guilt is the feeling we have when we do something wrong. 

Guilt in caring for our loved one comes in many forms.  And sometimes caregivers feel guilty about thinking of their own needs and see that as selfish, especially if they go to a movie or out to lunch with a friend.You may believe that your own needs are insignificant.  

So ask yourself:   Why do I feel guilty?  

• Is it Shame?  
• Is it Control?  
• Do you feel like you failed?
• What other people will think?  

Why does needing to ask for help lead to caregiver guilt?

• We're afraid someone will see us as weak. Actually, it takes a pretty strong person to ask for help when they need it.
• We feel that the responsibility is ours alone. By admitting that we can’t do it all, it may feel as if we are not living up to our duties or not giving our loved one the care they deserve.
• We are afraid people will judge us. As easy as this is to say, it is equally hard to do: don’t let someone else’s opinion of you dictate your actions. Your health and well-being is more important than what someone else thinks about you.
• We are afraid of not being taken seriously.  Call a spade a spade—if you feel you are not being taken seriously, say so. If you are talking to a health provider, it’s their responsibility to hear your concerns with an open ear. Speak up, and if you don’t get the response you need, look for help somewhere else.
• We are afraid of being treated with disrespect. If someone talks down to you or treats you dismissively, you don’t have to take it. You have the right to be heard and respected.

So let’s flip here and move from why to what...

Toxic thinking can affect you more than you know. Negative thoughts rob you of joy and leave you hopeless for any positive outcome. 

Your pattern of thought influences the quality of your life (and your loved ones). Your thinking can also affect your health, sleep patterns, anxiety levels, and more.

When you recognize you're thinking toxic and it’s affecting your well-being, you can start practicing techniques to remove your toxic thoughts

How Toxic Is Your Thinking?
You declare your thoughts through words—sometimes in conversation with others and other times silently to yourself only. Whatever it may be, pay attention and listen to yourself. Do you find yourself saying these things to yourself or others?

• “I don’t have what it takes. I am not good enough.”
• “I am afraid that I will be______.”
• “I didn’t do it perfectly, so I’m a failure.”
• “What if I can’t finish in time?”
• “But I might fail.”
• “My behavior is not hurting anybody.”
• “Sure, I did that, but it was because [someone else did or didn’t do something].”
• “Why is this happening to me? I deserve better than this.”
• “It’s too late to ____. I cannot change now.”
• “I’m just too busy. I’ll do it later.”
• “Nobody cares about me.”
• “Everything I do fails.”
• “What do other people think about me?”
• “They have it so much better than I do.”
• “If I could only _____, then I would be happy.”

As Caregivers, you're very much vulnerable to stress, anger and many other negative emotions due to the nature of our situation.  Think about your Loved One.  They may have a chronic disease, dementia, PTSD, elderly or recovering from an injury/surgery.  They will have good days and bad days.  Their mood and emotions can challenge us 

It's not enough to eliminate toxic...

As a caregiver, you embark on a path that often takes you through uncharted emotional territories. The journey is not just about providing care, but also about personal transformation. This podcast episode delves into the transformative process caregivers undergo, from the initial fear and doubt to eventual mastery and empowerment.

Imagine the scenario: your loved one needs a stem cell transplant, and suddenly, you're thrust into a whirlwind of medical terms and life-altering decisions. This is where our host's journey began. The fear zone is the first hurdle, marked by avoidance, stress, and overwhelm. It's easy to feel out of your depth, whether it's facing unfamiliar medical equipment or navigating the complex healthcare system. But recognizing these feelings is the first step towards moving out of the fear zone.

Transitioning into the learning zone, caregivers begin to acquire new skills. Understanding medical information becomes less daunting, and communicating with healthcare professionals becomes more fluid. The growth in confidence is palpable as you learn to manage medications or schedule appointments more efficiently. This phase is crucial as it builds the foundation for the next leap – into the growth zone.

The growth zone is where true transformation occurs. Caregivers find themselves developing resilience, handling bad news with a constructive mindset, and learning to seek support when necessary. This episode emphasizes that this empowerment doesn't happen overnight. It's a patchwork of confidence built on acknowledging strengths and confronting limitations.

Towards the end of the podcast, the host shares insights on the importance of pacing oneself and the need for self-care. Caregiving is likened to a marathon, requiring patience and the ability to adapt to new roles. Strategies such as automating mundane tasks can help reclaim time for self-care, which is essential for caregivers to be their best selves.

The podcast also introduces the...