E201: 7 Questions To Ask When Nothing Seems To Be Working In Your Caregiver Life

Are you feeling like nothing is working in your Caregiver Life? Are you getting down on yourself with little hope that things will change? You're not alone. In this tough season, when caregiving feels overwhelming, it's crucial to remember three things.

1. You Are Not Alone: It might sound cliché, but acknowledging that you're not alone is essential. While it doesn't instantly alleviate the challenges, understanding that others have been there, too, can provide perspective and inspiration.

2. Caregiving Has Its Ups and Downs: Caregiving is a rollercoaster with its share of ups and downs. Recognizing this truth is the first step towards navigating the tough times effectively.

3. Stop Being So Hard on Yourself: Don't let missed tasks or mistakes define your worth. You can't control everything, and that's okay. Instead of self-criticism, ask yourself what went wrong, why it happened, and work towards a better plan.

Taking a Pause

Now, let's explore a crucial step in finding solutions: taking a pause. It might seem impossible in the constant demands of caregiving, but pausing and assessing the situation is vital. Picture it like recalibrating your GPS:

1. Slow Down and Assess the Situation FIRST: Even in the busiest caregiving moments, taking a moment to pause can provide clarity. Whether it's a day, half a day, or even an hour, find time to recalibrate.

2. Check-in with Your Mental Health: During this pause, ask yourself simple yet profound questions about your basic needs. Have you drunk water, been outside, eaten, had a regular bowel movement, moved your body, slept well, and connected with someone or something you treasure? If any answers are no, focus on those aspects this week.

Moving Forward with 7 Questions

Now that you've paused and assessed, it's time to move forward with intention and focus. Ask yourself these seven questions:

1. Who are 1-3 people I can talk to honestly about this situation?

   • Talking to others helps break the cycle of negative thoughts. Whether a friend, therapist, or caregiver companion, sharing your struggles can provide fresh perspectives.

2. What are your points of stress right now?

   • Identify the primary stressors. Even if the list seems endless, pick one to work on first. Addressing the main stressor often has a positive impact on others.

3. What can I control in this situation?

   • Focus on actionable steps within your control. Changing your outlook from negative to positive can make a significant difference in managing stress.

4. What is working? What has worked before in this situation?

   • Identify positive aspects, no matter how small. Recognizing what's working can provide a foundation for creating a plan to ease stress.

5. What's realistically possible for me to do right now to ease the stress I'm feeling? Then, what can I realistically do for the next few days?

   • Break down actions into manageable steps. Whether it's taking deep breaths, going for a walk, or rearranging a drawer, find realistic ways to address stress.

6. How can I ensure accountability and support in this hard season?

   • Seek external support for accountability. Whether through a caregiver coach, a friend, or a therapist, having someone to check in with can make a significant difference.

7. What do I want to remember about this tough season?

   • Consider what lessons you can learn from this challenging season. Write notes to your future self, reminding you of the strategies that worked and the importance of self-care.

In conclusion, working through tough caregiving seasons requires intentional steps, self-reflection, and seeking support. Remember, you will emerge stronger and more resilient by doing the necessary work and asking yourself these seven questions. If you need a coach or support, I'm here for you.