Caregivers often carry around undeserved guilt, believing that they aren’t doing enough for their loved ones. This guilt can make the caregiving role even more stressful than it already is. One might ask why a caregiver feels guilty when they’re doing such a courageous job.

Guilt is the feeling we have when we do something wrong. 

Guilt in caring for our loved one comes in many forms.  And sometimes caregivers feel guilty about thinking of their own needs and see that as selfish, especially if they go to a movie or out to lunch with a friend.You may believe that your own needs are insignificant.  

So ask yourself:   Why do I feel guilty?  

• Is it Shame?  
• Is it Control?  
• Do you feel like you failed?
• What other people will think?  

Why does needing to ask for help lead to caregiver guilt?

• We're afraid someone will see us as weak. Actually, it takes a pretty strong person to ask for help when they need it.
• We feel that the responsibility is ours alone. By admitting that we can’t do it all, it may feel as if we are not living up to our duties or not giving our loved one the care they deserve.
• We are afraid people will judge us. As easy as this is to say, it is equally hard to do: don’t let someone else’s opinion of you dictate your actions. Your health and well-being is more important than what someone else thinks about you.
• We are afraid of not being taken seriously.  Call a spade a spade—if you feel you are not being taken seriously, say so. If you are talking to a health provider, it’s their responsibility to hear your concerns with an open ear. Speak up, and if you don’t get the response you need, look for help somewhere else.
• We are afraid of being treated with disrespect. If someone talks down to you or treats you dismissively, you don’t have to take it. You have the right to be heard and respected.

So let’s flip here and move from why to what...

When life thrusts us into the role of a caregiver, the transformation we undergo can be as profound as it is challenging. Tracy Donaldson's story is a testament to this transformation. A seasoned HR professional and former corporate VP, Tracy found herself navigating the dual roles of caring for her mother and spouse while simultaneously undergoing a personal journey of self-discovery and growth.

Tracy's candid recount of her experiences sheds light on the complexities of caregiving. She speaks of the early signs that care is needed, the emotional weight of responsibility, and the practicalities of managing day-to-day logistics. This resonates with many who find themselves in similar situations—juggling the roles of caregiver, professional, and individual with personal needs.

Self-care emerges as a recurring theme throughout the episode. Tracy's personal anecdote serves as a poignant reminder that taking care of oneself is not indulgent but essential. As she shares her strategies—meditation, exercise, and staying connected with friends—it becomes clear that these practices aren't just coping mechanisms; they are lifelines that sustain caregivers through their demanding roles.

The podcast also delves into the family dynamics at play in caregiving situations. Each family member brings unique contributions, strengths, and weaknesses to the table. Tracy's own experiences with her siblings highlight the importance of recognizing and utilizing these individual differences. The conversation goes further to discuss the decision to enroll her mother in an adult day program, a move aimed at improving her socialization and mental health, illustrating the continuous adaptation required in caregiving.

An important aspect of Tracy's journey is the guilt often associated with balancing the care of loved ones and personal time. It's a common struggle for caregivers who constantly weigh their responsibilities against their own well-being. The podcast...

Father's Day is bittersweet.  My Dad lost his battle to pancreatic cancer on April 12, 2018.  I was fortunate enough spend the last 17 days before he received his wings.   But this podcast is not about the last day.   It's about those special memories and the lessons he taught me.  

Thank you for allowing me to share a bit about him.  

Listen to my entire podcast episode.  

Toxic thinking can affect you more than you know. Negative thoughts rob you of joy and leave you hopeless for any positive outcome. 

Your pattern of thought influences the quality of your life (and your loved ones). Your thinking can also affect your health, sleep patterns, anxiety levels, and more.

When you recognize you're thinking toxic and it’s affecting your well-being, you can start practicing techniques to remove your toxic thoughts

How Toxic Is Your Thinking?
You declare your thoughts through words—sometimes in conversation with others and other times silently to yourself only. Whatever it may be, pay attention and listen to yourself. Do you find yourself saying these things to yourself or others?

• “I don’t have what it takes. I am not good enough.”
• “I am afraid that I will be______.”
• “I didn’t do it perfectly, so I’m a failure.”
• “What if I can’t finish in time?”
• “But I might fail.”
• “My behavior is not hurting anybody.”
• “Sure, I did that, but it was because [someone else did or didn’t do something].”
• “Why is this happening to me? I deserve better than this.”
• “It’s too late to ____. I cannot change now.”
• “I’m just too busy. I’ll do it later.”
• “Nobody cares about me.”
• “Everything I do fails.”
• “What do other people think about me?”
• “They have it so much better than I do.”
• “If I could only _____, then I would be happy.”

As Caregivers, you're very much vulnerable to stress, anger and many other negative emotions due to the nature of our situation.  Think about your Loved One.  They may have a chronic disease, dementia, PTSD, elderly or recovering from an injury/surgery.  They will have good days and bad days.  Their mood and emotions can challenge us 

It's not enough to eliminate toxic...

What comes to mind when you think of a brand?   Do you think of big name companies?  Each of these companies have a strong and purposeful brand.  

• Apple is known for its innovation, simplicity and support
• The Amazon logo was created to represent the message that it sells everything from A to Z (the arrow connects the two letters) and also represents the smile that customers would experience by shopping on the Amazon.com Web site (the arrow becomes a smile) 
• Target's brand position is “design for all.” Although Target never says this directly, it communicates it consistently through its personality, which is cool, fun, trendy and fresh.

There are Three Types of Branding

• A corporation or company brand.
• A product brand.  When you think of a specific product, what comes to mind?  
• Maybe it’s coca-cola or a shoe brand or a health product

• A personal brand.

What is Your Personal Brand? Your personal brand is how you promote yourself. It is the unique combination of your skills, experience, and personality that you want the world to see you. ... You use your personal branding to differentiate yourself from other people.

You're representing your personal brand in your professional role or your business, with your family/friends  and now caregiving.    

Branding is so much more than the way you look (but that’s an important part).  It’s also your personality, delivery of your message and more.  

Today I want to talk about you, the caregiver and your caregiver / personal brand.  

When you look at yourself through the eyes of being a brand and most importantly who you are today?

• What do you see?
• What do you hear?
• How do you feel about yourself?
• Do you want to spend time with yourself?

Your personal caregiver brand is the unique combination of...

As a caregiver, you embark on a path that often takes you through uncharted emotional territories. The journey is not just about providing care, but also about personal transformation. This podcast episode delves into the transformative process caregivers undergo, from the initial fear and doubt to eventual mastery and empowerment.

Imagine the scenario: your loved one needs a stem cell transplant, and suddenly, you're thrust into a whirlwind of medical terms and life-altering decisions. This is where our host's journey began. The fear zone is the first hurdle, marked by avoidance, stress, and overwhelm. It's easy to feel out of your depth, whether it's facing unfamiliar medical equipment or navigating the complex healthcare system. But recognizing these feelings is the first step towards moving out of the fear zone.

Transitioning into the learning zone, caregivers begin to acquire new skills. Understanding medical information becomes less daunting, and communicating with healthcare professionals becomes more fluid. The growth in confidence is palpable as you learn to manage medications or schedule appointments more efficiently. This phase is crucial as it builds the foundation for the next leap – into the growth zone.

The growth zone is where true transformation occurs. Caregivers find themselves developing resilience, handling bad news with a constructive mindset, and learning to seek support when necessary. This episode emphasizes that this empowerment doesn't happen overnight. It's a patchwork of confidence built on acknowledging strengths and confronting limitations.

Towards the end of the podcast, the host shares insights on the importance of pacing oneself and the need for self-care. Caregiving is likened to a marathon, requiring patience and the ability to adapt to new roles. Strategies such as automating mundane tasks can help reclaim time for self-care, which is essential for caregivers to be their best selves.

The podcast also introduces the...

Feeling sad, angry, resenting life, or grieving the good old days or what you used to do.   This episode might be just coming at the right time for you.  

Sadness 

• You see your sick loved one and can’t do anything about it
• The affection is different
• You miss the person of the past  
• You think about your future 

As a caregiver, you’re at risk for depression.  Sometimes you feel hopeless or helpless.  You cab't sleep and have trouble facing the day.   

You're human and it's normal to feel sad.  It’s normal to get down.  But like I said last week, in episode 30, you can’t stay there.  It can lead to depression, health issues, and caregiver stress, burnout and compassion fatigue.   Get my free resource on caregiver stress 

Anger

• Anger and frustration are a normal part of being around someone who needs help on an ongoing basis and who might not be accepting of help. 
• Forgive yourself.  Find constructive ways to express yourself, learn to walk away and give yourself a “time out.” Identify supportive people you can talk to who will listen as you vent about the thing.
• When tired and stressed, it's harder to stay in control of the things you say and feel. 
• If you find yourself feeling cranky and irritable, you probably need a break. You may need to get some rest, as we're in less control when tired. 

Resentment.   When put in a situation not of our choosing, it’s not uncommon to feel negative and resentful. 

• Family situations and dynamics can be a real challenge
• Perhaps it’s your work challenges
• Maybe it’s just resentment of your own time and joy
• Little things easily become big things when we feel unappreciated and unacknowledged

It's easy to forget about the good things that have happened or are happening when you only focus on the negative.  

Staying in resentment changes who you...

You jump in your car and the check engine light goes on.  Well you think to yourself, should I just leave it or bring it back into the shop.  There obviously is something wrong. 

How does this relate to caregiving.  Today I want to talk about resilience

Things have shifted in your life, as well as mine.  Your life is not the same.  Change has happened or maybe it’s still happening, like mine is in the caregiver life and caregiver journey

Dealing with changes, challenges, barriers and disruptions is hard.  It’s frustrating,  It’s scay and then there is the uncertainty too.  It challenges your beliefs and it can knock you down.  

Resilience is the promise of the human spirit  - that it can rise through it.  That you can move forward with great faith and optimism and recapture it all.  

It's the  ability to believe.  When a challenge or situation occurs and we can’t find the strength to pick ourselves up.  We believe this and our mindset is stuck.    Our ability to do that (thing) is slows us down by hurt, pain, trauma, grief or whatever you are feeling.   Think about your struggles.   What is the one thing that happened recently that brought you down?

When you’re in your deepest, darkest, it’s hard to find that mental strength.  First and foremost, you have to be ok with this and grant yourself grace since you are not perfect.  

Resilience begins with acknowledgement of the challenge, struggles, and difficulties of the hardship.   Because picking yourself up, remaining strong in this time is super hard

When we don’t allow ourselves to sense it and feel it, we leave that check engine light on and risk that it will wreck our engine.  Hurt and pain are like that engine light.  We can’t drive it and hope it gets better.  It won’t get better.  It won’t go away. 

Just when you think you have it figured out, there is a challenging day, week or urgent situation that happens.  Reality is that there are tons and tons of variables which play into your stressors and anxiety:  atmosphere, people, your love one (illness, injury, mood), your mood, outside distractions, frustrations and more. 

Dr Roderick Logan from Arizona Trauma Institute shared a You Tube presentation where he uses a water bottle to demonstrate the need for resilience to overcome stress and compassion fatigue in the workplace and personal life.   

How to reduce or stop feeling anxious, referenced WebMD

1. Stay in your time zone
2. Relabel what's happening
3. Fact-check your thoughts
4. Breathe in and out
5. Follow the 3-3-3 rule
6. Just do something
7. Stand up straight
8. Stay away from sugar
9. Ask for a second opinion
10. Watch a funny video or music

Tips to manage stress, referenced WebMD

1. Exercise
2. Relax your muscles
3. Deep breathing
4. Eat well
5. Slow down
6. Take a break
7. Make time for hobbies
8. Talk about your problems
9. Go easy on yourself
10. Eliminate your triggers

Identify which caregiver stress stage you are in.  You can then make adjustments and find ways to reduce and manage it.  

You can then start setting healthy boundaries or what I like to call self-love boundaries.  Remember the goal is to find joy in your journey and take care of yourself.  

Navigating the responsibilities of caregiving can often leave one feeling like they're caught in a relentless storm, with demands that pour down incessantly. Yet, as I've learned through the personal journey of managing my mother's care post-lung cancer treatments, there exists an 'umbrella' capable of providing protection against this downpour—healthy boundaries.

Caregiving is inherently a role that comes with an intricate web of emotional and physical demands. The metamorphosis of a relationship from familial to one where care is central can result in a burden that, if not managed with healthy boundaries, leads to burnout and excessive stress. This episode is not just a recount of my own experiences but a universal call to caregivers to erect protective barriers to preserve their wellbeing.

Establishing boundaries goes beyond the mere concept of saying no; it encompasses the entire gambit of personal well-being. This includes protecting one's time, emotional energy, values, and even compassion reserves. The art of setting these boundaries is not inherent—it requires thoughtful assessment, clear communication, and at times, the courage to disappoint for the sake of one's health.

Communicating boundaries can be challenging, especially within the dynamics of a family. Take, for instance, coordinating medical appointments with siblings or managing the influx of visitors who wish to see a loved one. These scenarios necessitate clear expectations, the judicious use of communication tools like shared calendars, and an understanding of the legal aspects of caregiving, such as HIPAA laws.

The Empowerful Caregiver School offers resources to deepen one's understanding of setting boundaries. It emphasizes that respect and support are not just what we provide to our loved ones but are also ours to claim. In essence, this episode is a heartfelt guide to help caregivers navigate the storm with their 'umbrella' of boundaries firmly in hand.

The podcast...