How to deal with sadness, anger, resentment and grief

Feeling sad, angry, resenting life, or grieving the good old days or what you used to do.   This episode might be just coming at the right time for you.  

Sadness 

• You see your sick loved one and can’t do anything about it
• The affection is different
• You miss the person of the past  
• You think about your future 

As a caregiver, you’re at risk for depression.  Sometimes you feel hopeless or helpless.  You cab't sleep and have trouble facing the day.   

You're human and it's normal to feel sad.  It’s normal to get down.  But like I said last week, in episode 30, you can’t stay there.  It can lead to depression, health issues, and caregiver stress, burnout and compassion fatigue.   Get my free resource on caregiver stress 

Anger

• Anger and frustration are a normal part of being around someone who needs help on an ongoing basis and who might not be accepting of help. 
• Forgive yourself.  Find constructive ways to express yourself, learn to walk away and give yourself a “time out.” Identify supportive people you can talk to who will listen as you vent about the thing.
• When tired and stressed, it's harder to stay in control of the things you say and feel. 
• If you find yourself feeling cranky and irritable, you probably need a break. You may need to get some rest, as we're in less control when tired. 

Resentment.   When put in a situation not of our choosing, it’s not uncommon to feel negative and resentful. 

• Family situations and dynamics can be a real challenge
• Perhaps it’s your work challenges
• Maybe it’s just resentment of your own time and joy
• Little things easily become big things when we feel unappreciated and unacknowledged

It's easy to forget about the good things that have happened or are happening when you only focus on the negative.  

Staying in resentment changes who you are and your emotional and physical well-being.  

Grief. 

• You're watching your loved one decline
• You grieve for the person who used to be    
• You miss things you could do before

We tend to  avoid the sadness that comes with grief, but allowing ourselves to feel it, promotes healing.  

Truth - these emotions will always come and go. 

1. It’s important to recognize them.  
2. What is triggering them
3. Ways to reduce and release them healthy

 Recognize

• Start asking yourself the questions:  Why am I angry, What is making me sad, When do I feel resentment the most

Exercise:

• Draw a line down the middle and make 2 columns:  1st column-  life before caregiving and 2nd column - your new normal
• Then write it out.    It'll be obvious that your new normal is different.    
• Turn the paper over and describe your new identity. 

I'm so glad you're in this journey with me and we're learning together.  When caregiving becomes your new career, you have to adapt, adjust and go through this process.  It’s not easy and you find out a lot about yourself.  Instead of feeling awful, guilty and frustrated with yourself over these emotions, stop, drop and roll!   You're doing the best you can.  When you lay your head on your pillow each night grant yourself grace and stop feeling badly.  Be grateful for who you are, what you are doing and all the little, but amazing things about yourself.