How to deal with sadness, anger, resentment and grief

 

Feeling sad, angry, resenting life, or grieving the good old days or what you used to do.   This episode might be just coming at the right time for you.  

Sadness 

  • You see your sick loved one and can’t do anything about it
  • The affection is different
  • You miss the person of the past  
  • You think about your future 

As a caregiver, you’re at risk for depression.  Sometimes you feel hopeless or helpless.  You cab't sleep and have trouble facing the day.   

You're human and it's normal to feel sad.  It’s normal to get down.  But like I said last week, in episode 30, you can’t stay there.  It can lead to depression, health issues, and caregiver stress, burnout and compassion fatigue.   Get my free resource on caregiver stress 

Anger

  • Anger and frustration are a normal part of being around someone who needs help on an ongoing basis and who might not be accepting of help. ...
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How to reduce your caregiver stress and anxiety

 

Just when you think you have it figured out, there is a challenging day, week or urgent situation that happens.  Reality is that there are tons and tons of variables which play into your stressors and anxiety:  atmosphere, people, your love one (illness, injury, mood), your mood, outside distractions, frustrations and more. 

Dr Roderick Logan from Arizona Trauma Institute shared a You Tube presentation where he uses a water bottle to demonstrate the need for resilience to overcome stress and compassion fatigue in the workplace and personal life.   

How to reduce or stop feeling anxious, referenced WebMD

  1. Stay in your time zone
  2. Relabel what's happening
  3. Fact-check your thoughts
  4. Breathe in and out
  5. Follow the 3-3-3 rule
  6. Just do something
  7. Stand up straight
  8. Stay away from sugar
  9. Ask for a second opinion
  10. Watch a funny video or music

Tips to manage stress, referenced WebMD

  1. Exercise
  2. Relax your muscles
  3. Deep breathing
  4. Eat well
  5. Slow down
  6. ...
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What to do when you're waiting on testing, treatment options and the prognosis?

 

I never thought I would experience it again.  

These past couple weeks I have been riding the emotional roller coaster of caregiving - again.   

The words that come to mind are sudden, unexpected and why.

Cancer sucks.  It is a nasty disease.   

Aging sucks.  I hate the circle of life right now.  

But this podcast isn’t a pity party or a Debbie downer.  It’s funny how fast you forget about those firsts.  

  • The first inkling that something isn’t right with your loved one.
  • The initial shock and numbness when you hear the bad news.
  • Then comes all those emotions.  
    • Hours of sadness, crying, grief before you really need to
    • Anger, frustration 
    • Worry, confusion 
    • Feeling those nerves inside shaking
    • You can’t focus

First, let me tell you about my Mom.  I’m blessed to have a great mother-daughter relationship.  

She is an energizer bunny.  The...

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E25: Pruning Your Caregiver Challenges and Overwhelm

 

This week I started my Spring gardening prep.   

I can’t clean out the leaves and debris yet since until it gets warmer since the bees, butterflies and other little insects are trying to stay warm yet.  But it’s time to prune the bushes and trees.  

My husband just rolls his eyes and goes along with my gardening passion.   If it was up to him, we would just leave it.  But I want the plants and trees needs just a bit of help to show their beauty.  

Here’s the definition: 

Pruning removes dead and dying branches and stubs, allowing room for new growth and protecting your property and passerby from damage. It also deters pest and animal infestation and promotes the plant's natural shape and healthy growth.

It’s also a reminder that we can do our own personal pruning too.  

  • Can you prune back those dead or dying branches?   What are those for you?
    • Is it worry?   Can you find a...
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Impacts Of A Nostalgic Caregiver

 

We are talking about the caregiver type called Nostalgic.  

Do you find yourself saying:

  • "Ah, the good old days" 
  • "If only I could go back and relive those moments." 
  • "I wish I could rewind the movie of my life and enjoy the way it was."  

Well friend, we're going to dive deep into this today and talk about the qualities and the impacts of being a Nostalgic.  

If you haven’t taken our quiz called “What’s your Caregiver style?  Go to cathylvan.com/quiz     

I want to start out with a story from my past.  

I lived in a middle class, blue collar home.  My dad worked in the automotive business and my mom clean houses.  They worked hard and took pride in the things they had.  They were always doing home improvement and working on the curb appeal of our home.  But one thing I really remember was the fun time.  When they weren’t working, they liked to...

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The 3 Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm

 

Today's episode is all about you and your overwhelm.  The true facts about how this stress, anxiety, burnout and fatigue creep up on you and before you know it, you are in the thick of it and don’t know what to do.  

When I first became a caregiver, I let the adrenaline drive me through the overwhelm.  When that faded, I let my mind and body do the work.  Well looking back, I now see the 3 stages of overwhelm I went through and it’s toll it took on myself, my Loved One, my friendships and more.  

That’s why over the last month, I sat down and really did some digging into this subject.  I researched 100s of articles, interviewed caregivers and fead all my journal entries, text messages, facebook post on where I was at.

So today, I want to highlight the 3 stages of caregiver overwhelm - the whats, the why, the hows and more.    You can find the entire resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress

  1. Caregiver Stress
  2. ...
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Feeling Stretched? This Is Your New Reality.

 

Feeling Stretched?  Feeling like you have no time for anything?  Feeling frazzled and can’t even look beyond now? 

This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

How does that make you feel  when I say that?   Let me say it again.  This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

When I was in the thick of my caregiving overwhelm, I felt unprepared, stretched, frazzled and exhausted.  I was angry.  I would sit and cry.  I felt hopeless and even thought that there was something wrong with me.  I didn’t want to admit my new reality.  For some reason I thought this was a temporary thing. 

I was missing deadlines at work.  Couldn’t focus.   I make mistakes on my finances and my Mom’s finances.  I would lose my phone and my keys.   Any extra time I had, I would sit lifeless and just scroll social media or sleep.  

I was...

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Oh No, My Battery Is Low. What About You?

 

FACT:  You have 168 hours a week.  24 hours a day.  No more.  

  • How many hours do you work your 9-5 job or business?
  • How many hours do you spend doing work around your home?
  • How many hours errands (that grocery shopping, pharmacy hours)
  • Now at the time of the podcast - it’s holiday season - so how many hours are you shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating or doing other activities of the season. 
  • How many hours do you spend caregiving
  • Then your time and hopefully it’s self-care your me time 

Have you said any of these words out loud or to yourself  

  • I am so tired? 
  • I can barely make it through the day. 
  • I would give anything to take a nap. 
  • I can’t remember the last time I had a goodnight sleep. 
  • Ijust keep drinking caffeine hoping to stay awake. 

Here was a schedule I had back in 2017 

  • It’s Monday
  • Get up at 5:30 am 
  • Household chores (throw in a load of wash, tidy up...
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It's Hard - This New Normal Now

 

As I was prepping for this podcast,  I went back to a dark day in 2018.   I didn’t want to get out of bed, I called in sick from my 9-5 job and actually lied about being sick.   I just wanted to get in the car and drive away.  How far could I go before anyone noticed? I seriously wanted to run away from my life.  

That day I did go for a drive.  I spent that day really figuring out where I was.  I had to face reality.  I had to accept my new normal, grieve my old life and move forward.   It was a huge tipping point for me. 

It is hard to face this reality , but truth is, you have to hear it .  You have to take that step forward.

I have a free handout for you.  This is what I wrote out that day.  Go to www. cathylvan.com/newnormal 

Now it’s not the magical potion or a solution, but it helped me shift my thoughts and emotions to make the best of the situation and get that positive mindset...

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E1 The Big Picture of Overwhelm

 

My caregiving journey started in September 2017.  Life went from normal to being tossed in the air falling apart.   I know that’s pretty dramatic, but that was reality.   

It meant immediate action mode to help my spouse fight cancer.   I learned the many roles of Caregiver fast (scheduler, advocate, chauffeur, nurse)  plus all the medical terminologies and procedures ( biopsies, hematology, chemotherapy, CT scans, PET scans).

In the midst of this, I felt like I was riding a roller coaster.  My emotions went from shock to lack of focus to sadness to denial to worry to anger and more.   Then when I felt like I could manage my emotions, overwhelm and exhaustion became my new visitor.  

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the one thing that shifted me in the right direction.   I took 15 minutes and sat down with a notebook and pen and reflected on the big picture. 

Get my FREE “big...

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