What to do when you're waiting on testing, treatment options and the prognosis?

I never thought I would experience it again.  

These past couple weeks I have been riding the emotional roller coaster of caregiving - again.   

The words that come to mind are sudden, unexpected and why.

Cancer sucks.  It is a nasty disease.   

Aging sucks.  I hate the circle of life right now.  

But this podcast isn’t a pity party or a Debbie downer.  It’s funny how fast you forget about those firsts.  

• The first inkling that something isn’t right with your loved one.
• The initial shock and numbness when you hear the bad news.
• Then comes all those emotions.  
• Hours of sadness, crying, grief before you really need to
• Anger, frustration 
• Worry, confusion 
• Feeling those nerves inside shaking
• You can’t focus

First, let me tell you about my Mom.  I’m blessed to have a great mother-daughter relationship.  

She is an energizer bunny.  The social butterfly.  The one that is always willing to help.  She is the hard working blue collar worker with her own cleaning business.  She is still cleaning small apartments at age 79.   

She was married to my Dad 57 years until Dad passed away in 2018.  They both traveled, enjoyed spending time together and spent 15 winters in Arizona with their retirement village friends.  It amazed me to see the activities they did from riding motor cycles to ATVs to DIYing and much more.  

Mom and I did some Mother Daughter trips to Jamaica, Arizona, Minneapolis and Branson

In the last 3 years, I watched my Mom transform from a struggling widow to a strong, independent and happy woman.  If you follow me on Facebook, you might see many photos of our Sunday Fundays together.  When I visit at her senior apartment, her phone is always ringing and someone is knocking on her door.  

But now, she is faced with cancer.  I noticed over the last month that she wasn’t feeling well and then the biopsy confirmed it.  We're still waiting for test results this week to find out the formal diagnosis, treatment options and recommendations.  

The one thing I learned in the last three years is being that I've become a better caregiver advocate by seeing the importance of growing a team and using my resources.  

So what do I mean by team. 

• You can’t do this along.  
• You need a support team.  
• You need people that will stick with you through thick and thin.   
• People you can lean on and help you through this challenging time.  

Why should you build a team

• Your loved is not able to manage their own care.  Your loved ones main job is getting well.  
• You can’t do it all.  This caregiver job is simply too much for one person.  

So unfortunately this is my Fourth Round of my loved ones being diagnosed with cancer and being their primary caregiver.  

As my mom is going through her tests, biopsy, scans and doctor appointments.  I’ve been journaling and thinking about forming a team.  So I started journaling and  

I also want to share my FREE resource of journaling prompts

I started by journaling: 

I am the primary caregiver.   So I have to start with:

What are my 

• Personal Strengths / Skills
• Personal Weaknesses 

• What is my caregiver style - take the quiz?
• What are my triggers and level of caregiver stress?
• Gaps and Challenges
• What kind of support is there?   
• What does my loved one need?

Then think about your beliefs and journal your believe statement

Here is what I wrote:

This time I'll be tapping into help.  I won’t be afraid to ask for it.  And I'll communicate my Mom’s expectations as well as mine.     It’s not time to sugar coat it.    

Support needs to be reliable, available, punctual, and willing to help.  I love my mom and will be by her side but I won’t be the martyr this time.     

I want to be the primary caregiver and the daughter too."   

I journaled more this morning and I suggest you do this no matter where you are in your journey.  

Want I don’t want ……….

• I don’t want to be so burnt out that I can’t sit with my mom and enjoy her company
• I don’t want to be so tired that I ignore myself.
• I don’t want to be resentful and angry
• I don’t want to give up my passions and goals

What I do want is………

• Be the manager of my mom’s care
• Ask for help 
• Find joy in the journey
• Be my mom’s advocate
• Give my mom the best care 
• Be a healthy and effective caregiver

Before I end today, I encourage you to journal where you're at in your journey.  I encourage you to journal what you want and what you don’t want.    There is no guarantee or promises that it will all go as planned or as visioned but when you get real with yourself, believe and reflect, you’ll be able to see things with a different lens.