One of the biggest things caregivers are good at is worry.   

• What if Dad doesn’t take is heart medicine?
• What if we can’t find a kidney donor for my husband?
• What if the CT scan shows growth?
• What if I can’t get refinancing for our home to a lower rate because my partner is not employed?

These concerns are legitimate and serious, but constant worry is stressful and will wear you down.  

Too much worry can create anxiety, stop you from the easiest of problem solving and can cause tension in relationships.

Are you an excessive worrier? Perhaps you unconsciously think that if you "worry enough," you can prevent bad things from happening.  But the fact is, worrying can affect the body in ways that may surprise you. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and even cause you to be physically ill.

But being completely worry-free is unrealistic.  What is realistic is taking steps to reduce and release some of those worries.  

Ways to turn those worries into a productive way of thinking and working through what to do when that worry comes into your thoughts:

1. Ask yourself,   why am I worrying?    Occasional stress and anxiety is a normal part of life. You might worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about these and other things—even when there is little or no reason to worry about them.
2. Get your thoughts and worries on paper.  Write all your caregiving worries down on paper.  Yes, all of them.  Just writing things down helps you let go of some of the worries you’ve bottled up.  Seeing your thoughts in black and white can give you a better perspective and help you identify the specific things you’re concerned about.
3. Separate productive vs. unproductive worries.  Caregivers have both productive and...

I never thought I would experience it again.  

These past couple weeks I have been riding the emotional roller coaster of caregiving - again.   

The words that come to mind are sudden, unexpected and why.

Cancer sucks.  It is a nasty disease.   

Aging sucks.  I hate the circle of life right now.  

But this podcast isn’t a pity party or a Debbie downer.  It’s funny how fast you forget about those firsts.  

• The first inkling that something isn’t right with your loved one.
• The initial shock and numbness when you hear the bad news.
• Then comes all those emotions.  
• Hours of sadness, crying, grief before you really need to
• Anger, frustration 
• Worry, confusion 
• Feeling those nerves inside shaking
• You can’t focus

First, let me tell you about my Mom.  I’m blessed to have a great mother-daughter relationship.  

She is an energizer bunny.  The social butterfly.  The one that is always willing to help.  She is the hard working blue collar worker with her own cleaning business.  She is still cleaning small apartments at age 79.   

She was married to my Dad 57 years until Dad passed away in 2018.  They both traveled, enjoyed spending time together and spent 15 winters in Arizona with their retirement village friends.  It amazed me to see the activities they did from riding motor cycles to ATVs to DIYing and much more.  

Mom and I did some Mother Daughter trips to Jamaica, Arizona, Minneapolis and Branson

In the last 3 years, I watched my Mom transform from a struggling widow to a strong, independent and happy woman.  If you follow me on Facebook, you might see many photos of our Sunday Fundays together.  When I visit at her senior apartment, her phone is always ringing and someone is knocking on her door.  

But now, she is faced with cancer.  I noticed...

We are talking about the caregiver type called Nostalgic.  

Do you find yourself saying:

• "Ah, the good old days" 
• "If only I could go back and relive those moments." 
• "I wish I could rewind the movie of my life and enjoy the way it was."  

Well friend, we're going to dive deep into this today and talk about the qualities and the impacts of being a Nostalgic.  

If you haven’t taken our quiz called “What’s your Caregiver style?  Go to cathylvan.com/quiz     

I want to start out with a story from my past.  

I lived in a middle class, blue collar home.  My dad worked in the automotive business and my mom clean houses.  They worked hard and took pride in the things they had.  They were always doing home improvement and working on the curb appeal of our home.  But one thing I really remember was the fun time.  When they weren’t working, they liked to play hard.    My Dad remodel the basement in our ranch home

• Indoor outdoor carpet in the basement
• Family room on one side 
• Table in the middle to sit around and do crafts, play games
• Mom hung our family pictures and those uncomfortable grade school pictures
• Dad built his bar at the other end with bar stools, his stereo (8 track tapes)
• Entertaining area - played cards, had my bottled pop and every so often Dad would pull out the video reel and we would sit and watch old movies of ourselves

Why am I telling you this?   Everyone of us has a bit of nostalgia in us and hopefully we all embrace those wonderful memories. 

One of the caregiver styles of our quiz is 

The Nostalgic Caregiver looks at their Loved One remembering those special past experiences and memories.  You desire to return to an earlier time in life by wishing things were back the way they were.   

It was extremely hard to watch my Dad crinkle and crumble away...

Today I want to talk about Wilma.  Who is she?   She is that talk in your head that keeps you up at night.  She talks and raises your stress level.   She keeps distracting you.  She drives you crazy sometimes.  

I know you and I have Wilma in our head on occasion.   She is the worrier. 

This past week, I let Wilma the Worrier take control of me.   My husband, Denis wasn’t feeling well and had two occasions where he was nauseous, had stomach pain and fatigue.  If you haven’t hear about Denis, let me quick tell you his health journey.   He was diagnosed in 2017 with CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) and then int 2018 his cancer morphed into Hodgkins Lymphoma.   He is currently in remission but when he gets sick or has symptoms, we tend to get nervous.  

Like I said, I let my brain control me with the Wilma worry.  I laid in bed and couldn’t sleep with worry, I then started obsessing over Google and searching for symptoms and possible reasons for him not feeling well.  

I told myself that I had this mastered.  I worked really hard in 2018 to not let worry control me.  

Can you relate?  

Overwhelm and most specifically worry comes back when you least expect it.  

What I have learned is that you have to recognize it and come to the realization that you are doing it.  

Once I recognize it I have my own “go to plan”  

1.   Self Talk 

My self talk are those quiet times in the shower, when I am driving, working out, sitting alone. 

It’s my real talk.   That 25% of your brain that is positive, optimistic

2.  Journal

Get that notebook or journal and start writing things out.  I wrote out all the what if, the whys, then I don’t want to go back into a hard season.  I recommend you keep writing until you’ve  exhausted all...

Caregiving can often feel like a tightrope walk, a delicate balancing act between taking care of a loved one and self-care. It's a role filled with complexities and challenges that can lead to caregivers feeling overwhelmed and burned out. Our latest podcast episode titled "Untangling the Complexities of Caregiving: Asserting Yourself, Setting Boundaries, and Harnessing the Power of 'No'" delves into these complexities and offers practical advice and actionable strategies to empower caregivers.

The role of a caregiver can be draining, physically, emotionally, and mentally. We often ignore the silent signals our bodies and minds send us when we've hit our limits. It's crucial to recognize these signs and respond accordingly. Whether it's feeling exhausted, angry, or resentful, these are all signs that you need to take a step back and assess your commitment, health, and overall situation. By acknowledging these signals, caregivers can take the first step towards setting healthy boundaries and asserting their needs.

One of the most challenging tasks in caregiving is setting boundaries. Often, caregivers feel obligated to say 'yes' to everything, leaving no time or energy for themselves. However, setting boundaries is not just necessary; it's a form of self-care. It's about acknowledging your limits, identifying what crosses the line, and figuring out solutions. The podcast episode presents a four-step process to help caregivers address situations that overstep their boundaries, enabling them to better manage their time and responsibilities.

The episode also delves into the transformative power of saying 'no'. Saying 'no' can serve as an empowering tool in a caregiver's toolkit. It's not about refusing to care; it's about asserting your needs and setting limits that allow you to provide care without compromising your wellbeing. Saying 'no' can open up opportunities to share caregiving responsibilities with others, deepen the level of honesty and openness in your...

Caregiving can be a rewarding experience, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges, one of which is the constant worry and anxiety that caregivers often face. This is a topic we explore in depth in our latest podcast episode, "Redirecting Chronic and Obsessive Worry as a Caregiver."

Worry and anxiety are common among caregivers, often due to the uncertainty and unpredictability that come with caring for someone else's health and well-being. Whether it's concern about a loved one's prognosis, managing medical appointments, or simply the daily tasks of caregiving, these worries can easily consume us and take a toll on our mental health.

Understanding the difference between general worry and unhealthy worry is the first step towards managing this anxiety. General worry is a normal human emotion and can be helpful in some situations. However, when worry becomes obsessive, it can lead to anxiety and even physical symptoms, such as heart palpitations, stomach aches, or insomnia.

One of the strategies discussed in the episode for managing worry is recognizing and challenging our core beliefs. Often, these beliefs can fuel our anxiety and keep us stuck in a cycle of worry. For instance, some caregivers might believe that worrying shows they care, or that it can prevent bad outcomes. However, these beliefs are often unhelpful and can contribute to excessive worry.

Another strategy is to distract your brain when you find yourself consumed by worry. This could involve physical activity, like going for a walk, or mental distractions, like watching a favorite TV show or reading a book. It's about finding something that can take your mind off your worries, even if just for a short while.

Writing out your worries can also be an effective tool. It allows you to get your thoughts and fears out of your head and onto paper, where you can see them more clearly and challenge them more effectively.

One of the most important things to remember is that managing worry and anxiety...