When my Dad passed in 2018, my Mom was left with all of Dad's belongings. Amidst the decisions of what to keep or give away, one precious gift stood out—his journals, over 40 years' worth, started in 1972. Evenings after sorting through belongings turned into shared moments of joy and tears as we read entries that captured a lifetime.

Inspired by Dad's dedication, I embarked on my own journaling journey. However, I soon faced challenges—finding time, understanding its importance, and staring at a blank page. My structured, disciplined nature clashed with the freeform approach.

Determined to unravel the benefits, I delved into the neuroscience of journaling. Structured journals became my allies, offering prompts that eased the process. Gratitude journaling emerged as a powerful tool, reshaping my mindset by focusing on positivity.

With a commitment to just five minutes daily, my journal became a sanctuary. Gratitude and wins intertwined, fostering a shift in my perspective. This simple practice, now over six years strong, keeps me grounded and manifests joy, empathy, and love.

Daily journaling need not be complex; it's a quick self-check, taking just five minutes. A structured pause helps address feelings, uncover purpose, and celebrate growth. As caregivers, we often neglect ourselves, making this practice a potent act of self-care.

Beyond gratitude, wins, and moments of joy, journaling serves as a day check-in. Embracing simplicity, I've added a recording of my daily feelings, allowing for self-reflection and acceptance. This practice reveals more about myself each day, creating a lasting impact.

Remember, this isn't just journaling; it's committing five minutes daily to yourself. It's about what this daily investment will reveal about yourself moving forward.

In closing, caregiving is a journey of highs and lows. As you embark on your journaling practice, let it be a source of comfort, a reminder of your journey, and a testament to your...

When something's bothering you, you know that getting your mind off of it is easier said than done.   In fact, research shows that when people are instructed not to think about a specific topic, it makes it even harder to get that topic out of their minds. But rehashing negative thoughts over and over in your head, also known as rumination, can be unpleasant and counterproductive

Negative thinking can contribute to problems such as anxiety, depression, stress, and low self-esteem. The key to changing your negative thoughts is to understand how you think now

One of the first steps toward changing your negative thinking patterns is understanding exactly how you think. This involves identifying any cognitive distortions you may be experiencing, which can lead to negative thoughts.  Meaning the  (faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking) 

 Negative thinking patterns:

• Jumping to conclusions: 
• Catastrophizing
• Overgeneralization
• Labeling
• "Should" statements
• Emotional reasoning
• Personalization and blame

When negative thoughts and rumination sets in, there are ways to overcome or reduce them.

1. Pause, Stop and Shift
2. Keep Positive Company
3. Physically Throw Them Away
4. Explore Calming Techniques
5. Reframe Your Situation

Most of us spend a lot of time inside our own mind — worrying about the future, replaying events in the past, and generally focusing on the parts of our caregiver life that leave us dissatisfied. While common, negative or unwanted thoughts can prevent you from finding joy in the small things, distract you from focusing on what's important, and drain your energy. They can also make you feel anxious, stressed  and depressed.

The good news is that with dedicated practice, you can replace negative thinking patterns with thoughts that actually help. This can make a huge difference in your day-to-day happiness and comfort.

Find out your caregiver style by taking the Caregiver Cup Quiz.  This quiz will take less...

Have you said to yourself :  Why don’t I have the energy like I used to have?   Or, I am so tired all the time.   

It’s called caregiver fatigue.   This occurs when you feel emotionally and physically exhausted.  You are wearing out.  You are feeling totally used up due to too many demands.  You are burning out.

• What are your emotional demands?   Your loved one is sick and you can’t make them better.  They demand an extreme degree of physical and emotional care.
• What are your conflicting priorities?   Who else needs your time and energy?   Your family, your children, your boss, your employees, your co-workers,  Trying to meeting everyone’s needs creates conflict and stress.  
• Do you feel ambiguity in your new normal?  You really don’t know exactly what to do, meaning your roles and responsibilities.   
• You workload.  What’s on your plate?  Are you trying to juggle everything?  
• What about all the advocacy responsibilities?  The insurance, medical decisions,  medical visits, doctor conversations and nursing questions.   On top of that, making the hard decisions on finances, home care, hospice care and estate plans.   
• Then there’s the lack of privacy.  Do you feel it?  There is no time to be alone.  There may be many people in and out of your home or your life assisting with some facet of the caregiving all the time.  

These factors may contribute to feelings  that you have no control, or that you don’t have adequate skills or knowledge in this area.  Feeling that you don’t have independence or “say so” in your life.   Feeling you can’t succeed, or that you’re a failure.

When burnout reaches a critical level, it begins to be very evident in your life.  Burnout can manifest itself in various ways, including: ...

In today’s episode, I am sharing a clip from a live session I did in May with The Caregiver Cup Community Facebook Group.    We go live each Wednesday in this group.  Some Wednesday are mini trainings, some are just connecting and others are Q&As.   

In May, I asked the community to submit questions.  Here are the questions:

1. How do you stay motivated and keep your energy level up?
2. What are your top 3 self-care tips?
3. I feel angry and resentful all the time.  How do I overcome this?  

In this episode, I reference these two FREE resources:

• Three Stages of Caregiver Overwhelm
• The Caregiver Quiz

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Navigating the healthcare system can be an intricate and daunting task, especially when it involves caring for a loved one. In a recent episode of our podcast, we had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Monique Nugent, an experienced hospitalist and the author of "Prescription for Admission." The episode was a deep dive into the world of hospital advocacy and communication, providing caregivers with an abundance of strategies to de-stress and enhance the hospital experience for elderly patients.

Dr. Nugent's expertise in the field shone through as she discussed the pivotal role that hospitalists play in patient care. She highlighted the importance of being well-prepared and aligning with your loved one's values to ensure their wishes are respected. This can make a significant difference in the stress levels experienced during hospitalization and lead to a more positive experience for all involved.

A particularly enlightening segment of the conversation focused on personal health information management. Dr. Nugent underscored the game-changing advantages of electronic medical records, which allow for quick access to vital health information, such as medication lists and specialist contacts. This is crucial, particularly in emergency situations where time is of the essence. She also shared anecdotes illustrating the dangers of medication mismanagement and offered simple solutions like using a pillbox to ensure proper medication adherence and prevent overdosing.

The emotional roller coaster that caregivers often experience was also a topic of discussion. Dr. Nugent spoke about the importance of setting the right communication expectations with hospital staff. She advised appointing a primary family contact to streamline interactions and emphasized the need for caregivers to be aware of their emotional health. Her approach was not only informative but also compassionate, recognizing the intense pressure caregivers are under and the importance of community...

One of the biggest things caregivers are good at is worry.   

• What if Dad doesn’t take is heart medicine?
• What if we can’t find a kidney donor for my husband?
• What if the CT scan shows growth?
• What if I can’t get refinancing for our home to a lower rate because my partner is not employed?

These concerns are legitimate and serious, but constant worry is stressful and will wear you down.  

Too much worry can create anxiety, stop you from the easiest of problem solving and can cause tension in relationships.

Are you an excessive worrier? Perhaps you unconsciously think that if you "worry enough," you can prevent bad things from happening.  But the fact is, worrying can affect the body in ways that may surprise you. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and even cause you to be physically ill.

But being completely worry-free is unrealistic.  What is realistic is taking steps to reduce and release some of those worries.  

Ways to turn those worries into a productive way of thinking and working through what to do when that worry comes into your thoughts:

1. Ask yourself,   why am I worrying?    Occasional stress and anxiety is a normal part of life. You might worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about these and other things—even when there is little or no reason to worry about them.
2. Get your thoughts and worries on paper.  Write all your caregiving worries down on paper.  Yes, all of them.  Just writing things down helps you let go of some of the worries you’ve bottled up.  Seeing your thoughts in black and white can give you a better perspective and help you identify the specific things you’re concerned about.
3. Separate productive vs. unproductive worries.  Caregivers have both productive and...

Mary Wyatt was faced with huge adversity and a new normal  on 11/7/20 when her husband had a seizure and then she heard the words Grade 4 GBM which in layman's terms is an aggressive cancer that starts in the brain.   In my interview with Mary she shares her story, her challenges and ways she is dealing with the harsh reality of her husband’s cancer.  

I know you can relate to Mary’s story of trying to balance work and caring for you loved one as well as trying to work through your emotions and taking care of yourself. 

One more thing,  I had Mary fill out a questionnaire prior to the interview and wanted to share what she wrote when asked her the question:  

What have you learned about yourself as a caregiver?   
She wrote:  That I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, that I was made with grit.  I am resilient, courageous and am driven with a heart so big that has passion to share my testimony so maybe just maybe it can help another young woman out there see she never had to go it alone.

In  the interview today  Mary has an amazing ability to communicate her story of true inspiration.   As you listen, we want you to reflect on:

 “How are you finding your inner strength?”  

 “ How are you asking for help?” and accepting it?

 “Who are you surrounding yourself with?” 

You can find Mary at
 https://www.facebook.com/MaryAWyattCertifiedHealthCoach

Are you feeling like nothing is working in your Caregiver Life? Are you getting down on yourself with little hope that things will change? You're not alone. In this tough season, when caregiving feels overwhelming, it's crucial to remember three things.

1. You Are Not Alone: It might sound cliché, but acknowledging that you're not alone is essential. While it doesn't instantly alleviate the challenges, understanding that others have been there, too, can provide perspective and inspiration.

2. Caregiving Has Its Ups and Downs: Caregiving is a rollercoaster with its share of ups and downs. Recognizing this truth is the first step towards navigating the tough times effectively.

3. Stop Being So Hard on Yourself: Don't let missed tasks or mistakes define your worth. You can't control everything, and that's okay. Instead of self-criticism, ask yourself what went wrong, why it happened, and work towards a better plan.

Taking a Pause

Now, let's explore a crucial step in finding solutions: taking a pause. It might seem impossible in the constant demands of caregiving, but pausing and assessing the situation is vital. Picture it like recalibrating your GPS:

1. Slow Down and Assess the Situation FIRST: Even in the busiest caregiving moments, taking a moment to pause can provide clarity. Whether it's a day, half a day, or even an hour, find time to recalibrate.

2. Check-in with Your Mental Health: During this pause, ask yourself simple yet profound questions about your basic needs. Have you drunk water, been outside, eaten, had a regular bowel movement, moved your body, slept well, and connected with someone or something you treasure? If any answers are no, focus on those aspects this week.

Moving Forward with 7 Questions

Now that you've paused and assessed, it's time to move forward with intention and focus. Ask yourself these seven questions:

1. Who are 1-3 people I can talk to honestly about this situation?

   • Talking to others helps break the cycle of...

What about the hard days, the days when you want to throw in the towel, those days when you just want to quit being a caregiver.  As caregivers, you're navigating unbelievably complex and time-consuming situations.  

You're faced with the grimmest challenges 

• Your loved one is sick and you can’t fix it
• Your loved one is not the same person anymore 
• All your focus is on them, their symptoms and pains
• You’re the caregiver advocate
• You’re holding up the home and family 
• You’re dealing with finances and work
• Then add your own emotions/feelings onto that

How many times have you wished you could get off the caregiving train?  It’s not fun.  It’s a huge sacrifice.  Your heart is telling you to keep going but your mind and body are tapped and the pressure and exhaustion becomes too much.  

First, rid yourself of feeling guilty, embarrassed or shame.   You're human and it’s normal to wish things would just go away.   There’s no greater drain than holding yourself to unrealistic expectations or that picture of the perfect, committed caregiver.  

This caregiving journey isn’t short term, usually it’s a very long term journey.   You have to relook at your expectations of yourself and what you commit to.  You can’t hold up to a commitment and sacrifice that you originally thought you could.  

What can you give up.

You’re the CEO of a really complicated enterprise.  Successful CEOs are constantly re-evaluating their priorities every year, every month, every week and every day to figure out what’s most important. They delegate or let go of everything else. They know that otherwise they’d be ineffective.

Sit down and make a list of all the things you CAN give up; and all of things you could offload to other people. Be ruthless. Be strategic.

• Ask for help  
• Take breaks often
• Prioritize your...

Have you considered taking a break from Caregiving?   Taking time away to recharge?  

Studies have shown that taking time away can have physical and mental health benefits.  People who take vacations have lower stress, less risk of heart disease, a better outlook on life, and more motivation to achieve goals.

Taking care of an aging or ill loved one can be enormously rewarding but also exhausting and emotionally draining.

Plowing through might feel doable in the short term, but too much time without a break can lead to caregiver burnout, depression and health problems.

EVERY CAREGIVER NEEDS A CAREGIVER — someone who will tend to your loved one for a few hours, days or weeks so you can take care of yourself.

Respite Care can help alleviate some of the symptoms of caregiver burnout by providing day or overnight care services, giving caregivers a much-needed break for a few hours a day or a few days a week. 

Respite can come in many forms: from family and friends; volunteer groups; faith-based organizations; local, state and federal agencies; or paid respite workers. It can take place in the home, or at an outside facility such as an adult day care center.

Determining If Respite Is Right For You

Often, caregivers are reluctant to admit they may need respite, and deciding to allow someone else to step in as a caregiver can be a big decision. 

• Do you feel emotionally and physically drained on a regular basis?
• Are you concerned that in the event of an emergency there is no one that you trust to take care of your loved one?
• Do you find yourself becoming more agitated with things that previously never bothered you?
• Are you neglecting your own health-related needs due to lack of time or lack of desire to assess your own needs?
• Are you experiencing resentment toward other family members who could help you but don’t?
• Is your social life suffering?
• Is there an unusual change in your eating habits?
• Do you have feelings...