E50: Why don't I have the energy like I used to?

Have you said to yourself :  Why don’t I have the energy like I used to have?   Or, I am so tired all the time.   

It’s called caregiver fatigue.   This occurs when you feel emotionally and physically exhausted.  You are wearing out.  You are feeling totally used up due to too many demands.  You are burning out.

• What are your emotional demands?   Your loved one is sick and you can’t make them better.  They demand an extreme degree of physical and emotional care.
• What are your conflicting priorities?   Who else needs your time and energy?   Your family, your children, your boss, your employees, your co-workers,  Trying to meeting everyone’s needs creates conflict and stress.  
• Do you feel ambiguity in your new normal?  You really don’t know exactly what to do, meaning your roles and responsibilities.   
• You workload.  What’s on your plate?  Are you trying to juggle everything?  
• What about all the advocacy responsibilities?  The insurance, medical decisions,  medical visits, doctor conversations and nursing questions.   On top of that, making the hard decisions on finances, home care, hospice care and estate plans.   
• Then there’s the lack of privacy.  Do you feel it?  There is no time to be alone.  There may be many people in and out of your home or your life assisting with some facet of the caregiving all the time.  

These factors may contribute to feelings  that you have no control, or that you don’t have adequate skills or knowledge in this area.  Feeling that you don’t have independence or “say so” in your life.   Feeling you can’t succeed, or that you’re a failure.

When burnout reaches a critical level, it begins to be very evident in your life.  Burnout can manifest itself in various ways, including:  depression, withdrawal, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, negative emotions, physical fatigue, sleep deprivation or sleep disorders, personal health problems and lowered self-esteem.

What do you do when you recognize this feeling of caregiver fatigue 

• Ask yourself, how are you taking care of yourself?   I know how hard it can be to stop and look at yourself in the mirror and say, you are not well.   
• Be honest and truthful with yourself.   Look at your sleep, nutrition, hydration and exercise.  Look at your schedule from work to family to your loved one’s care.  

When you admit the burn out,  you can start working on you.   Make a commitment.  It may start with a walk each evening after supper or coffee on the porch in the morning with a gratitude journal or food prepping each week or scheduling therapy.  

Now you can’t wake up and say, I’m committed to this great plan.  Take baby steps and just start.  Maybe this week it’s drinking your water.   Remember in this caregiver life you're in, you can’t add more pressure and stress to yourself.  So small steps will be better for you.  

Schedule one evening or day to food prep. Maybe you invite a friend over to help so you can get some socialization in too.  Or you hire someone to clean your house once a week.  Then you use that time to get a bike ride.  

It requires you to stop and figure out your self care habits.  When you don’t take care of yourself, stress and anxiety bubble up.  You need a release.