Hey there, fellow caregiver! If you're reading this, chances are you're juggling a million things at once and feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. I get it because I've been there too. Today, I want to share a simple yet powerful habit that has helped me find some much-needed relief and joy in my caregiving journey. It's called the "I'm so done with _______ and I'm so ready for ________" habit.

The Birth of a New Habit

Inspired by a segment I recently heard on Hoda and Jenna's show, I found myself nodding along as they shared their "I'm so done with..." lists. It struck a chord with me. As caregivers, we often carry around a lot of frustrations, worries, and pent-up emotions. Sometimes, we just need to let it all out. That's where this habit comes in.

Why It Works

1. Cathartic Release: Listing what you're "so done with" allows you to vent and acknowledge your frustrations without guilt or shame. It's like giving yourself permission to feel all those emotions you've been bottling up.

2. Positive Focus: Shifting to what you're "so ready for" helps redirect your energy towards positive change. It's about envisioning a better, more balanced future.

3. Empowerment: This habit gives you a sense of control. While there are many aspects of caregiving we can't change, identifying and focusing on the things we can influence helps us feel empowered.

How to Get Started

1. Find a Quiet Moment: Carve out some time for yourself. Grab a cup of coffee, sit in your favorite chair, and let your thoughts flow.

2. Write It Down: Start with "I'm so done with...". List everything that comes to mind. It could be the small annoyances like waiting in exam rooms or bigger challenges like dealing with the emotional toll of caregiving.

3. Shift to the Positive: After you've vented, move on to "I'm so ready for...". Think about what you want to embrace or change. It could be as simple as making more time for yourself or as ambitious as finding new ways to manage stress.

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When something's bothering you, you know that getting your mind off of it is easier said than done.   In fact, research shows that when people are instructed not to think about a specific topic, it makes it even harder to get that topic out of their minds. But rehashing negative thoughts over and over in your head, also known as rumination, can be unpleasant and counterproductive

Negative thinking can contribute to problems such as anxiety, depression, stress, and low self-esteem. The key to changing your negative thoughts is to understand how you think now

One of the first steps toward changing your negative thinking patterns is understanding exactly how you think. This involves identifying any cognitive distortions you may be experiencing, which can lead to negative thoughts.  Meaning the  (faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking) 

 Negative thinking patterns:

• Jumping to conclusions: 
• Catastrophizing
• Overgeneralization
• Labeling
• "Should" statements
• Emotional reasoning
• Personalization and blame

When negative thoughts and rumination sets in, there are ways to overcome or reduce them.

1. Pause, Stop and Shift
2. Keep Positive Company
3. Physically Throw Them Away
4. Explore Calming Techniques
5. Reframe Your Situation

Most of us spend a lot of time inside our own mind — worrying about the future, replaying events in the past, and generally focusing on the parts of our caregiver life that leave us dissatisfied. While common, negative or unwanted thoughts can prevent you from finding joy in the small things, distract you from focusing on what's important, and drain your energy. They can also make you feel anxious, stressed  and depressed.

The good news is that with dedicated practice, you can replace negative thinking patterns with thoughts that actually help. This can make a huge difference in your day-to-day happiness and comfort.

Find out your caregiver style by taking the Caregiver Cup Quiz.  This quiz will take less...

Have you said to yourself :  Why don’t I have the energy like I used to have?   Or, I am so tired all the time.   

It’s called caregiver fatigue.   This occurs when you feel emotionally and physically exhausted.  You are wearing out.  You are feeling totally used up due to too many demands.  You are burning out.

• What are your emotional demands?   Your loved one is sick and you can’t make them better.  They demand an extreme degree of physical and emotional care.
• What are your conflicting priorities?   Who else needs your time and energy?   Your family, your children, your boss, your employees, your co-workers,  Trying to meeting everyone’s needs creates conflict and stress.  
• Do you feel ambiguity in your new normal?  You really don’t know exactly what to do, meaning your roles and responsibilities.   
• You workload.  What’s on your plate?  Are you trying to juggle everything?  
• What about all the advocacy responsibilities?  The insurance, medical decisions,  medical visits, doctor conversations and nursing questions.   On top of that, making the hard decisions on finances, home care, hospice care and estate plans.   
• Then there’s the lack of privacy.  Do you feel it?  There is no time to be alone.  There may be many people in and out of your home or your life assisting with some facet of the caregiving all the time.  

These factors may contribute to feelings  that you have no control, or that you don’t have adequate skills or knowledge in this area.  Feeling that you don’t have independence or “say so” in your life.   Feeling you can’t succeed, or that you’re a failure.

When burnout reaches a critical level, it begins to be very evident in your life.  Burnout can manifest itself in various ways, including: ...

Are you feeling like nothing is working in your Caregiver Life? Are you getting down on yourself with little hope that things will change? You're not alone. In this tough season, when caregiving feels overwhelming, it's crucial to remember three things.

1. You Are Not Alone: It might sound cliché, but acknowledging that you're not alone is essential. While it doesn't instantly alleviate the challenges, understanding that others have been there, too, can provide perspective and inspiration.

2. Caregiving Has Its Ups and Downs: Caregiving is a rollercoaster with its share of ups and downs. Recognizing this truth is the first step towards navigating the tough times effectively.

3. Stop Being So Hard on Yourself: Don't let missed tasks or mistakes define your worth. You can't control everything, and that's okay. Instead of self-criticism, ask yourself what went wrong, why it happened, and work towards a better plan.

Taking a Pause

Now, let's explore a crucial step in finding solutions: taking a pause. It might seem impossible in the constant demands of caregiving, but pausing and assessing the situation is vital. Picture it like recalibrating your GPS:

1. Slow Down and Assess the Situation FIRST: Even in the busiest caregiving moments, taking a moment to pause can provide clarity. Whether it's a day, half a day, or even an hour, find time to recalibrate.

2. Check-in with Your Mental Health: During this pause, ask yourself simple yet profound questions about your basic needs. Have you drunk water, been outside, eaten, had a regular bowel movement, moved your body, slept well, and connected with someone or something you treasure? If any answers are no, focus on those aspects this week.

Moving Forward with 7 Questions

Now that you've paused and assessed, it's time to move forward with intention and focus. Ask yourself these seven questions:

1. Who are 1-3 people I can talk to honestly about this situation?

   • Talking to others helps break the cycle of...