Hey there, fellow caregiver! If you're reading this, chances are you're juggling a million things at once and feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. I get it because I've been there too. Today, I want to share a simple yet powerful habit that has helped me find some much-needed relief and joy in my caregiving journey. It's called the "I'm so done with _______ and I'm so ready for ________" habit.

The Birth of a New Habit

Inspired by a segment I recently heard on Hoda and Jenna's show, I found myself nodding along as they shared their "I'm so done with..." lists. It struck a chord with me. As caregivers, we often carry around a lot of frustrations, worries, and pent-up emotions. Sometimes, we just need to let it all out. That's where this habit comes in.

Why It Works

1. Cathartic Release: Listing what you're "so done with" allows you to vent and acknowledge your frustrations without guilt or shame. It's like giving yourself permission to feel all those emotions you've been bottling up.

2. Positive Focus: Shifting to what you're "so ready for" helps redirect your energy towards positive change. It's about envisioning a better, more balanced future.

3. Empowerment: This habit gives you a sense of control. While there are many aspects of caregiving we can't change, identifying and focusing on the things we can influence helps us feel empowered.

How to Get Started

1. Find a Quiet Moment: Carve out some time for yourself. Grab a cup of coffee, sit in your favorite chair, and let your thoughts flow.

2. Write It Down: Start with "I'm so done with...". List everything that comes to mind. It could be the small annoyances like waiting in exam rooms or bigger challenges like dealing with the emotional toll of caregiving.

3. Shift to the Positive: After you've vented, move on to "I'm so ready for...". Think about what you want to embrace or change. It could be as simple as making more time for yourself or as ambitious as finding new ways to manage stress.

...

What about the hard days, the days when you want to throw in the towel, those days when you just want to quit being a caregiver.  As caregivers, you're navigating unbelievably complex and time-consuming situations.  

You're faced with the grimmest challenges 

• Your loved one is sick and you can’t fix it
• Your loved one is not the same person anymore 
• All your focus is on them, their symptoms and pains
• You’re the caregiver advocate
• You’re holding up the home and family 
• You’re dealing with finances and work
• Then add your own emotions/feelings onto that

How many times have you wished you could get off the caregiving train?  It’s not fun.  It’s a huge sacrifice.  Your heart is telling you to keep going but your mind and body are tapped and the pressure and exhaustion becomes too much.  

First, rid yourself of feeling guilty, embarrassed or shame.   You're human and it’s normal to wish things would just go away.   There’s no greater drain than holding yourself to unrealistic expectations or that picture of the perfect, committed caregiver.  

This caregiving journey isn’t short term, usually it’s a very long term journey.   You have to relook at your expectations of yourself and what you commit to.  You can’t hold up to a commitment and sacrifice that you originally thought you could.  

What can you give up.

You’re the CEO of a really complicated enterprise.  Successful CEOs are constantly re-evaluating their priorities every year, every month, every week and every day to figure out what’s most important. They delegate or let go of everything else. They know that otherwise they’d be ineffective.

Sit down and make a list of all the things you CAN give up; and all of things you could offload to other people. Be ruthless. Be strategic.

• Ask for help  
• Take breaks often
• Prioritize your...

This week I started my Spring gardening prep.   

I can’t clean out the leaves and debris yet since until it gets warmer since the bees, butterflies and other little insects are trying to stay warm yet.  But it’s time to prune the bushes and trees.  

My husband just rolls his eyes and goes along with my gardening passion.   If it was up to him, we would just leave it.  But I want the plants and trees needs just a bit of help to show their beauty.  

Here’s the definition: 

Pruning removes dead and dying branches and stubs, allowing room for new growth and protecting your property and passerby from damage. It also deters pest and animal infestation and promotes the plant's natural shape and healthy growth.

It’s also a reminder that we can do our own personal pruning too.  

• Can you prune back those dead or dying branches?   What are those for you?
• Is it worry?   Can you find a way to cut back that branch?
• Is it  negativity?  And distancing yourself from negativity (news, social media, ppl)

Is it anger and resentment that consumers your mind? 

• Pruning allows room for new growth.   When you release those bad habits, bad thoughts, and accept your new reality, you will allow for those buds, blossoms and new growth.  
• How are you allowing for new growth?   It starts with mindset. 
• Journal gratitude - 5 things each morning
• Affirmation - those words you tell yourself - post them on your mirror, set a timer on your phone to remind you
• Coaching - speaking with someone to look at your situation and improve
• Meditation and quiet thoughts

• Pruning protects your property - yourself.   When you pivot your mindset, set healthy boundaries and manage your new normal, you are starting to take care of yourself.     
• You can’t expect that beautiful crab apple tree to blossom every spring into...

Today's episode is all about you and your overwhelm.  The true facts about how this stress, anxiety, burnout and fatigue creep up on you and before you know it, you are in the thick of it and don’t know what to do.  

When I first became a caregiver, I let the adrenaline drive me through the overwhelm.  When that faded, I let my mind and body do the work.  Well looking back, I now see the 3 stages of overwhelm I went through and it’s toll it took on myself, my Loved One, my friendships and more.  

That’s why over the last month, I sat down and really did some digging into this subject.  I researched 100s of articles, interviewed caregivers and fead all my journal entries, text messages, facebook post on where I was at.

So today, I want to highlight the 3 stages of caregiver overwhelm - the whats, the why, the hows and more.    You can find the entire resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress

1. Caregiver Stress
2. Caregiver Burnout
3. Compassion Fatigue

Overwhelm is reality.  It’s hard, It sucks but it can be a joyful and rewarding experience.  So when you run over that nail or screw,  think about how you want to fix it vs just putting air in your tire.  Get in front of your overwhelm by seeking help or tools to get you on the path to reducing the stress and anxiety.  

So grab my free resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress.   Let me help you through this journey.   It is important to look at your caregiver cup and control what goes in it.  You can’t pour from an empty cup.   

Send hugs and warmth your way.   Talk to you again next week. 

Feeling Stretched?  Feeling like you have no time for anything?  Feeling frazzled and can’t even look beyond now? 

This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

How does that make you feel  when I say that?   Let me say it again.  This is your new normal.  This is your new reality.  

When I was in the thick of my caregiving overwhelm, I felt unprepared, stretched, frazzled and exhausted.  I was angry.  I would sit and cry.  I felt hopeless and even thought that there was something wrong with me.  I didn’t want to admit my new reality.  For some reason I thought this was a temporary thing. 

I was missing deadlines at work.  Couldn’t focus.   I make mistakes on my finances and my Mom’s finances.  I would lose my phone and my keys.   Any extra time I had, I would sit lifeless and just scroll social media or sleep.  

I was thinking,  am I getting dementia.  I lost control.   

The Reality is……..

Your life is now different.  Your schedule has changed.  Your responsibilities have changes.  

Raise your hand if you need to rethink your routine, schedule and mindset?  

My breakthrough was when I realized that I couldn’t just let this new normal control me.  I had to take the reins and control it.  

Life is valuable.  Your time is valuable.  Your health is valuable.  Your passions are valuable.  Your loved one is important to you.  Your friends and social life are important 

I told myself, I had it in me to figure it out.  I had to think like the manager of my life.  Think about the coach telling that player, I need you to play QB.   We need you.  Your mind might say - I never played that position before.  I don’t know the plays.   Well, what would you do?

Same goes...

My caregiving journey started in September 2017.  Life went from normal to being tossed in the air falling apart.   I know that’s pretty dramatic, but that was reality.   

It meant immediate action mode to help my spouse fight cancer.   I learned the many roles of Caregiver fast (scheduler, advocate, chauffeur, nurse)  plus all the medical terminologies and procedures ( biopsies, hematology, chemotherapy, CT scans, PET scans).

In the midst of this, I felt like I was riding a roller coaster.  My emotions went from shock to lack of focus to sadness to denial to worry to anger and more.   Then when I felt like I could manage my emotions, overwhelm and exhaustion became my new visitor.  

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the one thing that shifted me in the right direction.   I took 15 minutes and sat down with a notebook and pen and reflected on the big picture. 

Get my FREE “big picture” handout that will get you to see where you were, where you are and gets you working towards a better version of you in this caregiving journey.

Let’s get to this big picture episode!

Welcome to Episode 25:    Pruning your caregiver challenges and overwhelm

This week I started my Spring gardening prep.   

I can’t clean out the leaves and debris yet since until it gets warmer since the bees, butterflies and other little insects are trying to stay warm yet.  But it’s time to prune the bushes and trees.  

My husband just rolls his eyes and goes along with my gardening passion.   If it was up to him, we would just leave it.  But I want the plants and trees needs just a bit of help to show their beauty.  

Here’s the definition: 

Pruning removes dead and dying branches and stubs, allowing room for new growth and protecting your property and passerby from damage. It also deters pest and animal infestation and promotes the plant's natural shape and healthy growth.

It’s also a reminder that we can do our own personal pruning too.  

• Can you prune back those dead or dying branches?   What are those for you?
• Is it worry?   Can you find a way to cut back that branch?
• Is it  negativity?  And distancing yourself from negativity (news, social media, ppl)

Is it anger and resentment that consumers your mind? 

• Pruning allows room for new growth.   When you release those bad habits, bad thoughts, and accept your new reality, you will allow for those buds, blossoms and new growth.  
• How are you allowing for new growth?   It starts with mindset. 
• Journal gratitude - 5 things each morning
• Affirmation - those words you tell yourself - post them on your mirror, set a timer on your phone to remind you
• Coaching - speaking with someone to look at your situation and improve
• Meditation and quiet thoughts

• Pruning protects your property - yourself.   When you pivot your mindset, set healthy boundaries and manage your new normal, you are starting to take care of yourself.     
• You...

When I first became a caregiver, I let the adrenaline drive me through the overwhelm.  When that faded, I let my mind and body do the work.  Well looking back, I now see the 3 stages of overwhelm I went through and it’s toll it took on myself, my Loved One, my friendships and more.  

That’s why over the last month, I sat down and really did some digging into this subject.  I researched 100s of articles, interviewed caregivers and fead all my journal entries, text messages, facebook post on where I was at.

So today, I want to highlight the 3 stages of caregiver overwhelm - the whats, the why, the hows and more.    You can find the entire resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress

1. Caregiver Stress
2. Caregiver Burnout
3. Compassion Fatigue

Overwhelm for you and I as Caregivers is Reality.  It’s hard, It sucks but it can be a joyful and rewarding experience.  So when you run over that nail or screw,  think about how you want to fix it vs just putting air in your tire.  Get in front of your overwhelm by seeking help or tools to get you on the path to reducing the stress and anxiety.  

So grab my free resource at cathylvan.com/caregiverstress.   Let me help you through this journey.   It is important to look at your caregiver cup and control what goes in it.  You can’t pour from an empty cup.