Feeling sad, angry, resenting life, or grieving the good old days or what you used to do.   This episode might be just coming at the right time for you.  

Sadness 

• You see your sick loved one and can’t do anything about it
• The affection is different
• You miss the person of the past  
• You think about your future 

As a caregiver, you’re at risk for depression.  Sometimes you feel hopeless or helpless.  You cab't sleep and have trouble facing the day.   

You're human and it's normal to feel sad.  It’s normal to get down.  But like I said last week, in episode 30, you can’t stay there.  It can lead to depression, health issues, and caregiver stress, burnout and compassion fatigue.   Get my free resource on caregiver stress 

Anger

• Anger and frustration are a normal part of being around someone who needs help on an ongoing basis and who might not be accepting of help. 
• Forgive yourself.  Find constructive ways to express yourself, learn to walk away and give yourself a “time out.” Identify supportive people you can talk to who will listen as you vent about the thing.
• When tired and stressed, it's harder to stay in control of the things you say and feel. 
• If you find yourself feeling cranky and irritable, you probably need a break. You may need to get some rest, as we're in less control when tired. 

Resentment.   When put in a situation not of our choosing, it’s not uncommon to feel negative and resentful. 

• Family situations and dynamics can be a real challenge
• Perhaps it’s your work challenges
• Maybe it’s just resentment of your own time and joy
• Little things easily become big things when we feel unappreciated and unacknowledged

It's easy to forget about the good things that have happened or are happening when you only focus on the negative.  

Staying in resentment changes who you...

Have you said one of these statements?  

• “I feel so alone and isolated.”
• “I miss my friends”
• “I miss my spouse”
• “I would give anything to step back in time and enjoy the holidays of the past”
• “I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything”
• “ I am lonely and sad”

For caregivers, feelings isolated and lonely is a common complaint I hear and what I experienced quite often myself and a lot during the holidays.  You feel isolated and withdrawn from your family, friends and your daily routines.   You most likely had to replace time with caregiving duties or you stay behind from activities since your spouse can’t go.  

Some of my very dark, lonely days were 

• New Year’s Eve with my spouse going to bed at 8pm since he had his chemo treatment that day.  
• Working from home - I made the decision back in December of 2017 so that I could be closer to home 
• Declining weddings, dinners and special occasions knowing Denis wouldn’t be up to it. 
• and now add the 2020 pandemic to that mix.  

In a recent June 2020, National Center for Health article. 

• 43.7%, of caregivers reported moderate loneliness (almost half)
• 17.7% reported severe loneliness. 

In a AARP report 

• Overall 50% of caregivers were being diagnosed for depression. 

This can lead to a withdrawal from social activities and relationships that you previously enjoyed. You may also find that you’re literally facing isolation. 

I saw this in my Mom caring for my Dad back in 2017-2018.  She didn’t leave his side much and I was over 250 miles away.  The only interaction she had was by phone, an occasional visitor when my Dad was up to it and a quick run to the grocery store.   The nights were the hardest.

I am sure lonely feels are present for you too.  

So let’s...