I'm now 4 years into my caregiving journey.  As I look back I see 4 stages I went through and want to share these with you:  

Stage 1: THE NEW STAGE.  

• The initial news fills you with shock, disbelief and all those emotions
• Then you jump in telling yourself I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll figure it out
• Here’s where I became obsessed with google - searching anything and everything about your loved one’s condition.  
• You form your team - doctors, nurse navigators, family support, etc
• You try to figure out the who advocacy stuff 
• You're taking care of your loved one
• This stage is focused on the NOW, the NEW and just figuring it out.  
• You just want to get going on your loved one’s care
• You are putting your needs to the side

Stage 2:  ROUTINE OR SETTLING IN STAGE.   

• Things have now become routine somewhat
• You're trying to figure out how to balance work, home, caregiving
• Workload and to do list is bigger
• Fatigue is usually setting in
• Stress is increasing
• You start feeling stretched
• You may find yourself doing things alone
• You and your loved one are more comfortable with your team (doctors, nurses, help)
• You and your loved one are more comfortable with the clinic, labs, treatments, etc
• You become more of an expert with your loved one’s condition
• You're more comfortable with caregiving
• There are good days and bad days
• Your nutrition and self-care looks different

Stage 3:  AWARENESS AND REALITY or as I call it the LIGHT BULB GOES ON

• Caregiving is taking its toll on your health both physically and mentally
• It affects your relationships
• You may be struggling with finances
• You may not see it or may not want to admit it yet - you may want to run from it.
• You realize you can’t do it all and shouldn’t have taken this all on yourself
• You hope it will go away
• Caregiving becomes a burden
• Wishing for your old life
• Realizing that you're stuck, stretched and overwhelmed...

Each morning about 6:30, I put on my walking shoes and grab my ear buds for my 2-3 miles walk.  One particular thing this week got me.    I kept nodding my head and walking faster and faster.  My head was spinning when listening to a new podcast.   I couldn’t wait to get home to grab a piece of paper and write down my thoughts.  

I love podcasts that feed my soul with inspiration, self-help and self-development and ones that are just plain fun too.   Podcast listening is my jam when I am walking or working in my garden or getting ready in the morning.    

Ok… what was I listening to? I am trying to level up and be a better speaker.  It was my newest podcast that I recently added to favs.  My new mentor and speaking coach - The Heather Saeger show.  It was one from way back on Jan 6 where she interviewed Anna Nelson about Unlock a new level in your business using your superpower.    

It’s funny how you get more out of a podcast.  What I mean is that I got tips for improving my speech but also go tips to improving my caregiving.  

When I got home - I wrote in my journal all that I remembered plus…  

• Caregiving is self-development on steroids
• It requires you step up and start working on your mindset in a different way imagined
• It requires you to amplify your scheduling and coordination of everything - I put a super women cape next to my note.
• It requires a whole new discipline and shift to your self care 

I think you get the picture.  

What’s crazy is that you can’t really enroll in caregiving school and take courses and once trained you can then know it all   

So when you become a caregiver, you need to learn and adjust as you go.  

We all are different.  We all learn differently.  Our situations are different.  Our passions are...

Lisa Allarid was faced with huge adversity and a new normal  in December of 2018 when her husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease.  She's a mom of 4 and works in the finance industry. 

She had to learn about kidney disease, nutrition, and how the donor system works.  

Lisa also shares how she stopped taking care of herself, going out with friends and really hitting rock bottom before she realized the importance of her needs.  

You will find some amazing golden nuggets about half way through the interview when Lisa shares how she is embracing her new normal by knowing what type of caregiver she is., what her strengths are, and what her weaknesses are. 

As she is growing and figuring out how to be a better caregiver and most importantly a better person to herself, she is expressing what she needs.  She's a beautiful role model and teaching her children the true meaning of love and caregiving.     

Follow Lisa on Instagram at @lisaallarid and @steveneedsakidney

This is a behind-the-scene (fun) episode where I asked my accountability partners record an episode.  Each week, I meet with Amy and Naomi.  The weekly accountability meetings are for us to share our success, challenges and to ask questions and provide support.  Little did I know a year ago that we would become close friends.

Thursday nights have become part of my self-care.  These amazing ladies listen to my challenges without judgement, cheer me on when I find joy and success and pick me up.   I have also been able to give back to them and have seen my confidence grow. 

I encourage you to find your "group".   It took a little courage to put a post out in a group on Facebook.  It was well worth the fear.  You are welcome to  post in The Caregiver Cup Podcast Online Community 

If you are in the Meeting and Event Planning field, check out Naomi Tucker at https://plannersonpurpose.com/

If you are looking for a life coach, check out Amy Linsmeyer at https://amylinsmeyer.com/

Only when you first help yourselves can you effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit.

How do you do this?  You have to create the foundation to succeed  Creating a foundation to be that effective caregiver.    

What is foundation / framework?
What about your health and vitality?

You can’t rely on your own personal discipline

What would the ideal environment be to ensure you are effective today? 

 If your productivity or motivation is not there?

Think about what infrastructures are you lacking?   What things can I put in place that helps me be a better version of myself and a better caregiver?  

The second is your strategy or asset to your caregiving:  Y_O _U    Yes,  taking care of yourself.  

I know, it doesn’t sound right, it’s doesn’t feel right and it may not be what you want to do.  But you can’t be an effective caregiver if you don’t put yourself first.  

What is your Ideal Vitality - Well-being - Self-care look like?  

I want you to think deeper than the surface here.  

Find your Doctor 

1. How are you caring for yourself?  
2. You shouldn’t  wait to go to the doctor when you are sick or mentally struggling.  You need to be proactive.  
3. You need Someone who is guiding you in your health now that you are in a season that is challenging and tasking on yourself

You need a medical doctor who is aware of your situation and is supporting and guiding you through this time and keep your physical well-being in mind.  

You also need to think about your mental wellness in this caregiving season.  What resources should I be utilizing?  

• Therapist - licensed professional
• Coach
• Consultant
• Support...

There are two ways you become a caregiver:  

The first I call the creeper.   Maybe you can think of a better word…..    

1.  Caregiving often creeps up on you.  

It may start with dropping by your mom’s house and doing her laundry or taking your dad to a doctor’s appointment.  You find yourself doing the grocery shopping or refilling prescriptions.  Gradually, you are doing more and more.  At some point, you realize you have a commitment to take care of someone else

I can relate with my Mom aging.  Soon she won’t be driving. 

Or for others 

2.  The Sudden Event

Sometimes caregiving is triggered by a major health event, such as a stroke, heart attack, or accident.  Maybe you suddenly realize that dad’s memory lapses have become dangerous.  

The Sudden Events for me was my spouse showing me lumps in his groin area and under his arms.  We made an appointment and it all started.  Another -   It was that phone call from my parents saying that Dad’s needs an endoscopy because his CT scans showed an enlarged pancreas and spots on his liver.  Another,  it was taking my husband for knee surgery and getting the instructions of care.

Life as you know it stops, and all your energy goes to caring for your loved one.  Caregiving has become your new career, and you adjust to a new normal.  

We as caregivers are spouses, partners, adult children, parents, other relatives, siblings, aunts, nieces, nephews, in-laws, grandchildren, friends, and neighbors.    Did I miss any - if I did, drop me a DM @cathylynnvan on IG or on my business page on FB at The Caregiver Cup.  

Whatever your relationship with the person, you’re caring for, it’s important that you add the title CAREGIVER to the list of things you are.  Without identifying yourself as a...

As I was prepping for this podcast,  I went back to a dark day in 2018.   I didn’t want to get out of bed, I called in sick from my 9-5 job and actually lied about being sick.   I just wanted to get in the car and drive away.  How far could I go before anyone noticed? I seriously wanted to run away from my life.  

That day I did go for a drive.  I spent that day really figuring out where I was.  I had to face reality.  I had to accept my new normal, grieve my old life and move forward.   It was a huge tipping point for me. 

It is hard to face this reality , but truth is, you have to hear it .  You have to take that step forward.

I have a free handout for you.  This is what I wrote out that day.  Go to www. cathylvan.com/newnormal 

Now it’s not the magical potion or a solution, but it helped me shift my thoughts and emotions to make the best of the situation and get that positive mindset working. 

I want to talk about YOU, your choices and your new normal.   

• It’s hard
• It sucks
• You can’t focus
• I am stressed
• I am angry
• I am in shock
• I am confused
• I think you get what I am saying.  

It’s not fair and you didn’t see it coming.  

But you could say - it’s bad, it’s awful, I am done.  I can’t do this.  I have to quit my life, It’s my life now.  

Or you can say this new normal is my new challenge, my new struggle and I will adjust.   

I love this stat.    A person has 60k thoughts daily.  45k of those thoughts are negative, pessimistic, doubtful, etc.  That means only 25% of our thoughts are positive, optimistic, etc

So it takes a heck of a lot of work to shift your brain, train your brain and look at it with reality and the choice to be positive.

Caregiving it hard.  Watching your spouse’s illness or injury is hard.  

I remember going to the...