Feeling Overwhelmed or Stuck as a Caregiver?
Are you feeling stuck? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Maybe you feel that each day is running together and you are just getting through.
I surely can relate. Especially those days when your spouse is so sick and you're sitting alone. Those days when you've so much on your plate and you don’t feel that you can do anything since you're so exhausted.
You have to be honest and realize that your season is not all fun right now. You’ll have obstacles and challenges.
I heard Brendon Burchard, who is one of my favorite speakers on productivity and author of High Performance Habits. He refers to “A caged life?” and he asks, ``Are you living a caged life?
OMG - yes - me what about you?
When you feel stuck, you feel like you're in a cage and can't get out. Those feelings of overwhelm set in.
Overwhelm may cloud your vision, your desire, your motivation.
Just think about the concept of being in a cage.
Phase One of a caged life is fear and frustration.
That 4 letter word: FEAR
If you think of an animal that is caged. They're fearful of being in that cage and may cry, may start pacing and when frustrated they start rattling the cage.
As caregivers, when you have this quality, you might say things like:
- I am afraid of (seeing my spouse sick, my spouse’s death, feeling alone, losing my job or extra income)
- I am worried about finances, my weight gain, what ppl will say)
- I am doubting my abilities, my situation, my relationship.
Then comes frustration.
- I’m frustrated with life. Have you been there?
- You miss your old life.
- You look at others and wish you could be that way.
When you’re going through a difficult...
The Big Picture of Caregiver Overwhelm
My caregiving journey started in September 2017. Life went from normal to being tossed in the air falling apart. I know that’s pretty dramatic, but that was reality.
It meant immediate action mode to help my spouse fight cancer. I learned the many roles of Caregiver fast (scheduler, advocate, chauffeur, nurse) plus all the medical terminologies and procedures ( biopsies, hematology, chemotherapy, CT scans, PET scans).
In the midst of this, I felt like I was riding a roller coaster. My emotions went from shock to lack of focus to sadness to denial to worry to anger and more. Then when I felt like I could manage my emotions, overwhelm and exhaustion became my new visitor.
In today’s episode, I’m sharing the one thing that shifted me in the right direction. It took 15 minutes and sat down with a notebook and pen and reflected on the big picture.
Get my FREE “big picture” handout that will get you to see where you were, where you are and gets you working towards a better version of you in this caregiving journey.
The struggle is real - why is it hard to put yourself first
How many articles have you read? How many times have people told you? "Make sure you take care of yourself." The struggle is real and it's easier said than done.
You know you need to be healthy and strong to be the best Caregiver, the best Wife, the best Boss, the best Co-worker and more. If you are like me, putting yourself first is a struggle with feelings of guilt and shame.
The flight attendant demonstrates the oxygen mask and says, in the event of an emergency you need to put yours on first before putting it on others. Others will say you can't pour from an empty cup.
So why do most women break this rule resulting in exhaustion, health issues, stress, and anxiety? I believe some of it is because of learned habits, experiences and stereotypes.
If you think about you as a young girl, you most likely developed nurturing and caregiving skills through watching your Mom, Grandma or a female role model. Then add your experiences of babysitting, taking care of a siblings, doing maternal chores and/or through school activities. Maybe this sparked other relatable experiences. It sure it for me.
As you grew into a young lady and woman, you continued to learn new skills, grew your identity and personality. Your nurturing skills took on a new look with that special someone in your life that you eventually married. Children, nieces, and/or nephews welcomed in a whole new phase of caregiving.
I found a statement in the book - As Cancer Strikes by Habil Nagag
"Many woman have been conditioned to strive for this ideal caregiver role. But many struggle to maintain a picture of the themselves. If you take responsibility for your spouse's feelings, activities, and his life, he will become dependent and you will become resentful."
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What's your Caregiver Style?
This quiz takes less than 3 minutes and gives you tons and tons of valuable insights into your caregiver style, your behaviors, your tendencies and how your style impacts your caregiving and most importantly you and your well-being.