The struggle is real - why is it hard to put yourself first

How many articles have you read?  How many times have people told you?  "Make sure you take care of yourself."  The struggle is real and it's easier said than done.

You know you need to be healthy and strong to be the best Caregiver, the best Wife, the best Boss, the best Co-worker and more.  If you are like me, putting yourself first is a struggle with feelings of guilt and shame.  

The flight attendant demonstrates the oxygen mask and says, in the event of an emergency you need to put yours on first before putting it on others.   Others will say you can't  pour from an empty cup.

So why do most women break this rule resulting in exhaustion, health issues, stress, and anxiety?   I believe some of it is because of learned habits, experiences and stereotypes.   

If you think about you as a young girl, you most likely developed nurturing and caregiving skills through watching your Mom, Grandma or a female role model.  Then add your experiences of babysitting, taking care of a siblings, doing maternal chores and/or through school activities.  Maybe this sparked other relatable experiences.  It sure it for me.  

 As you grew into a young lady and woman, you continued to learn new skills, grew your identity and personality.   Your nurturing skills took on a new look with that special someone in your life that you eventually married.   Children, nieces, and/or nephews welcomed in a whole new phase of caregiving.  

I found a statement in the book - As Cancer Strikes by Habil Nagag

 "Many woman have been conditioned to strive for this ideal caregiver role.  But many struggle to maintain a picture of the themselves.   If you take responsibility for your spouse's feelings, activities, and his life, he will become dependent and you will become resentful."

I  have to admit that when I started my Caregiver job, I was stubborn and didn't listen to anyone.  I took on a superwoman mentality and burnt out really fast.  In a nutshell, I became sick, exhausted, angry and resentful.   Through a lot of soul searching and facing reality,  I took a towards putting self first. This involved understanding why it was so important.

Here are just a few reasons why you want to put yourself first! 

1. Your body send you signals of what it needs and when it's in trouble. When you take care of yourself (physically, mentally, spiritually), it impacts your positive feelings, decisions and overall happiness.                                               
2. When you learn to respect yourself, you will rid yourself of guilt and others will respect your choice.  If you think of an athlete, performer or leader,  they put their training, health and schedules first knowing the importance of their job and success.   Same applies to you.   If you want to perform at your highest peak, you need to have healthy habits, routines and priorities.  It's not selfish.  It's necessary to be the best version of you.                                                                    
3. You spouse, family and friends will benefit.   Recognizing time with your loved ones is so important for you personally.   Think about the rewards you get when you go to a movie with your spouse or coffee with a friend or a family dinner.  Social interactions boost your energy and immune system.  

To be the best version of you, it starts with you.   Your spouse is depending on you to support him.  So you have to stay healthy.  His journey is not a sprint, but a marathon.   When you shift your mindset and think like a leader or athlete, you will see your performance improve.  Self-giving is part of the caregiving journey.