Hey there, fellow caregivers!

In this week's episode of Caregiver Cup Podcast, we delved deep into a topic that's near and dear to my heart: navigating ruminating thoughts on the caregiving journey. I shared my personal experiences and insights on how to transform those moments of dread into determination, and I wanted to expand on that in this blog post.

From Dread to Determination: My Journey

I woke up one Friday morning dreading the day ahead. Negative thoughts were swirling in my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom. My spouse, Denis, had an oncology appointment scheduled, and despite having been through similar appointments countless times before, this one felt different.

As I walked my dogs, trying to process my thoughts and mood, I realized there was more to my dread than just the appointment itself. It wasn't just the fear of bad news or uncertainty about Denis' health that weighed on me—it was something deeper.

After some introspection, I uncovered the root cause of my unease: my dissatisfaction with Denis' oncologist. While the doctor was undoubtedly qualified and provided good care, I struggled to connect with him. His communication style lacked empathy, and I often felt dismissed or unheard during appointments.

Despite Denis being content with the doctor, I knew I needed to find a way to advocate effectively for his care without letting my personal feelings cloud my judgment. That's when I turned to three key practices that have helped me navigate ruminating thoughts and transform dread into determination.

1. Acknowledge and Process

Acknowledging and processing my emotions was the first step in reclaiming control over my thoughts. Instead of pushing aside my feelings of frustration and resentment towards the doctor, I allowed myself to sit with them, understanding their root causes and how they were impacting my mindset.

2. Visualization

Visualization became my secret weapon in facing daunting situations head-on....

Hello and welcome to another insightful episode of The Caregiver Cup Podcast. Today, we're delving into a crucial topic: How to Show Up Better When Faced with Hard Situations, Crises, or Feeling Stuck. This discussion stems from my recent personal experience with dental issues, and I believe it will shed light on transformative changes you can make in challenging circumstances.

In late February, I found myself in excruciating tooth pain. A visit to the dentist, an exam, and x-rays yielded no immediate solutions. Despite the pain being manageable at first, it intensified rapidly. This led to a frustrating series of events that mirrored the challenges many caregivers face.

This dental saga provided me with a fresh perspective on what we can control and influence in challenging situations, a lesson I believe is invaluable for caregivers. It's essential to consider what aspects we can change, influence, and control when faced with the overwhelming nature of caregiving.

So, let's dive into the 5 crucial steps to handle challenging situations effectively:

1. Gather All the Facts: When navigating situations where you feel lost and hopeless, step back, and objectively gather all the facts. Just like a detective, list out the specifics. In my dental ordeal, this involved noting the day, severity of pain, the endodontist's office schedule, and my need for urgent care. Caregivers, grab that paper and pen – it's time to be your own investigator.

2. Leave Out Your Emotions: While emotions are valid, learning to manage them is crucial. In my case, crying wouldn't have expedited my dental appointment. Instead, I chose to express my frustrations and pain articulately. As caregivers, it's essential to acknowledge emotions but ensure they don't hijack the situation.

3. Ask Good Questions: When armed with facts and a clear emotional state, the next step is to ask relevant questions. In my dental emergencies, asking about earlier appointments got me on the...

Only when you first help yourselves can you effectively help others. Caring for yourself is one of the most important—and one of the most often forgotten—things you can do as a caregiver. When your needs are taken care of, the person you care for will benefit.

How do you do this?  You have to create the foundation to succeed  Creating a foundation to be that effective caregiver.    

What is foundation / framework?
What about your health and vitality?

You can’t rely on your own personal discipline

What would the ideal environment be to ensure you are effective today? 

 If your productivity or motivation is not there?

Think about what infrastructures are you lacking?   What things can I put in place that helps me be a better version of myself and a better caregiver?  

The second is your strategy or asset to your caregiving:  Y_O _U    Yes,  taking care of yourself.  

I know, it doesn’t sound right, it’s doesn’t feel right and it may not be what you want to do.  But you can’t be an effective caregiver if you don’t put yourself first.  

What is your Ideal Vitality - Well-being - Self-care look like?  

I want you to think deeper than the surface here.  

Find your Doctor 

1. How are you caring for yourself?  
2. You shouldn’t  wait to go to the doctor when you are sick or mentally struggling.  You need to be proactive.  
3. You need Someone who is guiding you in your health now that you are in a season that is challenging and tasking on yourself

You need a medical doctor who is aware of your situation and is supporting and guiding you through this time and keep your physical well-being in mind.  

You also need to think about your mental wellness in this caregiving season.  What resources should I be utilizing?  

• Therapist - licensed professional
• Coach
• Consultant
• Support...

Navigating the healthcare system can be an intricate and daunting task, especially when it involves caring for a loved one. In a recent episode of our podcast, we had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Monique Nugent, an experienced hospitalist and the author of "Prescription for Admission." The episode was a deep dive into the world of hospital advocacy and communication, providing caregivers with an abundance of strategies to de-stress and enhance the hospital experience for elderly patients.

Dr. Nugent's expertise in the field shone through as she discussed the pivotal role that hospitalists play in patient care. She highlighted the importance of being well-prepared and aligning with your loved one's values to ensure their wishes are respected. This can make a significant difference in the stress levels experienced during hospitalization and lead to a more positive experience for all involved.

A particularly enlightening segment of the conversation focused on personal health information management. Dr. Nugent underscored the game-changing advantages of electronic medical records, which allow for quick access to vital health information, such as medication lists and specialist contacts. This is crucial, particularly in emergency situations where time is of the essence. She also shared anecdotes illustrating the dangers of medication mismanagement and offered simple solutions like using a pillbox to ensure proper medication adherence and prevent overdosing.

The emotional roller coaster that caregivers often experience was also a topic of discussion. Dr. Nugent spoke about the importance of setting the right communication expectations with hospital staff. She advised appointing a primary family contact to streamline interactions and emphasized the need for caregivers to be aware of their emotional health. Her approach was not only informative but also compassionate, recognizing the intense pressure caregivers are under and the importance of community...

I never thought I would experience it again.  

These past couple weeks I have been riding the emotional roller coaster of caregiving - again.   

The words that come to mind are sudden, unexpected and why.

Cancer sucks.  It is a nasty disease.   

Aging sucks.  I hate the circle of life right now.  

But this podcast isn’t a pity party or a Debbie downer.  It’s funny how fast you forget about those firsts.  

• The first inkling that something isn’t right with your loved one.
• The initial shock and numbness when you hear the bad news.
• Then comes all those emotions.  
• Hours of sadness, crying, grief before you really need to
• Anger, frustration 
• Worry, confusion 
• Feeling those nerves inside shaking
• You can’t focus

First, let me tell you about my Mom.  I’m blessed to have a great mother-daughter relationship.  

She is an energizer bunny.  The social butterfly.  The one that is always willing to help.  She is the hard working blue collar worker with her own cleaning business.  She is still cleaning small apartments at age 79.   

She was married to my Dad 57 years until Dad passed away in 2018.  They both traveled, enjoyed spending time together and spent 15 winters in Arizona with their retirement village friends.  It amazed me to see the activities they did from riding motor cycles to ATVs to DIYing and much more.  

Mom and I did some Mother Daughter trips to Jamaica, Arizona, Minneapolis and Branson

In the last 3 years, I watched my Mom transform from a struggling widow to a strong, independent and happy woman.  If you follow me on Facebook, you might see many photos of our Sunday Fundays together.  When I visit at her senior apartment, her phone is always ringing and someone is knocking on her door.  

But now, she is faced with cancer.  I noticed...