I woke up this morning and felt like I was walking in mud.   Everything  seemed to be little struggles slowing me down.  One of my shoe laces broke,  then couldn’t find my ear buds, having to run around the house looking for them,  the dogs were barking in the garage waiting for mom,  I walked outside, realizing I needed a sweatshirt and then finally on my walk.  Well on my walk, the dogs stop and do their duties.  I carry little bags with me to pick up their do do.  Guess what,  the bag had a hole in it.   Yuck.   

When you have these kind of days, your brain keeps playing tricks on you.  You start believing the universe is out to get you.  When they’re really just minor challenges.    But what did I do,  I got frustrated, angry and my internal body starts stressing.  Within minutes of getting frustrated, I had to talk with my inner brain and tell her that this.  Why am I wasting my energy on a hole in the bag.  When am I wasting my energy on my ear buds missing.  

As a caregiver you’re bound to experience challenges and frustrations each day.  It’s inevitable, but when you experience these, my wish is that you do the work and pause and ask yourself, what and why.  

What is causing me to stress?  What is my mind telling me?  Why am I using this energy to stress?  

I’ve been truly working on this each and every day.   I want to choose my responses to stress.  I want to choose how much energy I want to put into the challenge?  

You have a choice each morning, each moment and each evening.  

This week, my mom, brother and I made the choice to get a hospice consult.  Mom is lung cancer is progressing and her fatigue, pain and malnutrition is getting the best of her.  

Here I go again, I thought to myself.  I started feeling all the worry, frustration, grief and uncertainty.   But now that I understand chronic stress, how my body responds and more, I can take charge of me during this time.   Accepting that my mind wants to go to the negative thoughts which are meant out of love and feelings for my mom.  But I also know I need to take care of myself.  

I’m much more experienced in this caregiving world.  I know how the bad stress will affect me.  

So I spend a couple days journaling.  

What I don’t want during this difficult time is…..

• Override my mindset with all those negative thoughts.
• To react, meaning jump into action and do everything myself
• Cover my thoughts - in the past i would just do busy work to cover up everything.  
• I don’t want to eat comfort foods
• I don’t want to give up my healthy habits
• I don’t want to shut people out

At the bottom of the page, I wrote - I want to be a daughter first.  

Then, I flipped the page over and journaled how I could manage this challenging time.  

• I reached out to hospice care and be open to help
• I want to manage my health and routines
• I want to ease my workload
• I want to live in the present not thinking too far into the future
• I want community 
• I want to stay grounded and calm
• I want to allow my negative thoughts to be there but understand and then release them
• I want to embrace everyone’s intentions but also be courageous to set healthy boundaries.  
• But most importantly, embrace each moment so I can look back at myself and feel good about caring for my mom and myself

You can start this practice anytime, my friend.  You don’t have to wait for the next challenge.  

Grab that journal or go for a walk or sit with your favorite beverage and reflect on what you really want to be during this time.  How you want to reach it?  You can choose a healthy, joyful caregiving experience and when challenges come, you can process them.  

It takes imperfect effort and work.  But when you take step towards it, you will feel better

Be courageous and choose your way. 

Check out the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle. The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

If you are interested in 1:1 support  ➡️  DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan

>>CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM