I’m continuing my discussion from last week’s episode on setting healthy boundaries.  Once you figured out that you need healthy boundaries and can see the benefits of them, it takes practice and work.  

As talked about in Episode 121, you have to take baby steps

So today I want to break down 

1. Identifying your healthy boundaries
2. Why you are picking a specific healthy boundary
3. Finding your personal approach

I want to start with a visualization activity.   If you can, close your eyes.  I want you to look at yourself and really get to know you.  What do you look like?   

• What are you wearing?  Look at your body.  This is not intended to be a negative activity, just an honest view.  
• Look at your feet, do you see a nice pedicure or swollen feet.  
• What about your arms and hands?  Has caregiving taken a toll on your fingernails or hands?
• Now look at your core - have you gained a few pounds or have you keep yourself up?
• Now look in your face?  Do you see fatigue?   Now your eyes, what do your eyes tell you?

Now I want you to take a trip inside body your thoughts and feelings

• Have your body been telling you something - your neck, your back, your stomach, your head.   Have you been paying attention to it?
• What about your thoughts and feelings?  What are those positive thoughts that make you feel joy?  What are those negative thoughts that make you feel sadness, anger or frustration?  

Now think about an instance in the last week when your body or mind didn’t function well - what happened?   How was your stress and anxiety?  Did you get sick?  Did you shut down?  Did you lash out with emotion?  

Ok, open your eyes.  I want you to see that you and your body and mind tell you exactly everything.  When you listen to yourself, you can see the importance of self-love.  

Loving ourselves is an integral part of establishing healthy boundaries.  Yet for women caregivers, we don’t always listen to ourselves and make improvements.   

And, as I said last week, if we don’t, it leads to health issues, fatigue, burnout and more.  

1.  Identifying your healthy boundaries start with looking at your challenges and what your challenges are causing you issues, harm and hurting your body or mind.    Then ask yourself, if it’s due to unhealthy boundaries.    

I know some challenges will not be - like your loved one health or the plumbing breaks or the insurance claim getting denied.  What you need to look at is your fatigue, stress and burnout.  What is causing it?   Is it overcommitting?  Is it ignoring your body’s signals?  Is it conversations or relationships?  Is it your mind telling you that you have to do it all?  Are you not eating right?  Are you not moving your body?  Are you not taking time away?

2.  I would then really focus on one.   Find the one you really feel passionate about.  The one that you need the most.  For example,  If you are exhausted and feel tired all the time.  Then list out why you think you are tired.  Write them all down.  

• Too much caffeine
• Not eating healthy
• Work demands
• Nursing at night
• Uninterrupted sleep 
• Juggling work, biz and caregiving
• No time off

Baby steps are key - just pick one.  I would start with the one you feel you can succeed at the most but also the one that makes the most impact.  

3.  Taking action on your healthy boundaries is something personal and you need to buy into it.  Drawing a boundary is one of the highest expressions of self-love.  

• So let’s say you pick a personal choice to quit caffeine by 2pm so you can sleep better.  
• Or you start asking for help a few nights a week so you can get a good night sleep.  

The more you love yourself  in real and tangible ways, the more you will trust yourself.  Life is so much better when you have  your own back.   

The energy that comes from self-awareness, self-care and self-love is immeasurable.  When you are true to yourself and make empowered decisions to set healthy boundaries, you are able to give genuinely to yourself, your loved one and be the best version of yourself.

I know what you are thinking….  Your mind is telling you  - i can’t, it’s too hard,  there is no-one that can help.     Your mind is talking you out of it.   My friend,  it’s fear that’s talking to you.   It your people pleaser tendencies that’s talking you out of it. 

Instead, let your heart, courage and will-power walk you towards joy and self-love for you.  You look out for your loved one’s best interests - now you have to look after yourself too.  

Your level of self-love sets the bar for everything - your relationship with your loved one, your joy in this journey, your success in juggling everything, your decision making,  - you fill in the blank.  

So Aim high.  

Now this won’t make all your challenges go away but you can control your health and well-being so you can feel good about your caregiving. 

I want you to give yourself permission to explore doing things differently, to change your mind, to say no, to laugh, to sing, to smile, to feel happy, to simply be.   You can make decisions for you first.  You can put yourself first.  

So I’m challenging you this week to identify a personal boundary you want to work on and a small step.   I want to cheer you on.  So tag me @cathylynnvan on IG or Caregiver Cup on FB. 

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle

The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

>> Check outEpisode 121 on Caregiver Healthy Boundaries  also.

1:1 Coaching  ➡️   DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan

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