I get a lot of questions from clients and caregivers curious about how I manage my caregiver stress, continue to keep going and find moments of joy each day.  In today's episode, I'm sharing my 6 personal habits / routines that I do to release my caregiver stress.   Before I started implementing these,  my stress and anxiety were causing burnout and fatigue which turned into health issues. 

Before we jump into those 6 personal habits, I want to ask you if you watch the TV show "This Is Us"? . This show is absolutely phenomenal. In my opinion, it is so well-written, the actors are so relatable.

The experiences are close to real life.  Rebecca is the mom and she lost Jack to a house fire.  When the three kids grew up, Rebecca remarried Miguel.  When Rebecca now grew older,  she started showing signs of dementia and the dementia is getting worse and worse and worse. So Miguel is being the primary caregiver for Rebecca.

In the episode at the end of April showed traces of her disease getting worse and worse. And Miguel was even getting irritated at a wedding for Kate. The children were kind of saying, well, why Miguel, aren't you watching Rebecca during the wedding? And he was playing cards and he snapped at Randall saying, "I just need time by myself".

Now going to this past week's episode-  Miguel, now is totally committed as a caregiver and I know you can relate. So if you get a chance to watch this, he's over the top in caring for Rebecca.  He is dedicating 24/7 of his time showing he would get up earlier in the morning, make himself coffee, get dressed, get everything done and sit in her bedroom until she woke up at 6:45.  I think they set the alarm, but he wanted to be the first thing that she saw in the morning so that she wouldn't get spooked or have issues or be in a panic state.

The kids which are Randall, Kevin and Kate hired an at-home nurse to come into the home to help Miguel. But he was declining her help instead of letting her take care of the medications, meals, care, and more.  Instead he was helping Rebecca out of bed, making the meals, and doing everything.  Miguel says, "Nope, I'm committed to her. I said, in sickness and health, she needs me. She panics if I'm not around."  

So he convinced himself that he is the only one to take care of Rebecca.  Rebecca is so dependent on him that now he is stuck. There was one clip, it went back to Miguel at the doctor's office and the doctor said, "we need to go ahead and do some further testing.  If you continue to go at this pace, things are not going to look good for you".

And at the beginning of the show, Miguel says, "I don't have time. I just have to live with it. I don't have time." 

Well, fast forward, a little bit into the show. It was snowing outside and it was the middle of the night. Miguel woke up and Rebecca wasn't there.  Miguel woke up and found Rebecca in her night gown in the middle of the street. No shoes, no glasses on. Holding her hands out and standing up like a little kid with a face up in the air, taking in the snowflakes on her face and twirling around in a circle. Well, Miguel went out there and so gently and lovingly went out there and said, "what are you doing?" He ended up getting her bathrobe on her, and explained to her that it's cold and you're going to get cold.  Then all of a sudden he fell on his back, slipping on the ice and Rebecca laughed and said, isn't this fun we're playing in the snow. But Miguel was physically hurt.

He ended up having bruises on his back. He ended up having body aches because he was doing so much care for Rebecca. The kids were over for a visit and noticed the bruises.  They could sense that Miguel was doing so much. And if Miguel would leave the room, she would be talking to the kids and then she would be in a panic state and crying. "Where is he? Where is he? I can't find him."

Then at that point, the kids had a meeting with Miguel to talk about him. And he was very much defensive when they sat down with him and said, you can't continue to do this alone. The kids continued to tell him he was doing the best he could.

And he kept coming back with these key words that "he failed at everything else in his life. He doesn't want to fail her and how he was so committed to her".  But to make a long story short. They convinced Miguel to go ahead and let that nurse help. They showed things like the nurse was filling the medications and making the meals. Miguel would actually sit down and eat with her and enjoy the time with her. Instead of being the busy body behind the scenes, doing everything, he would still sit and wait for her to get up in the morning, but he didn't have to get her out of bed and physically move. It showed Miguel getting older and frailer and frailer, and the kids were starting to play more of an active role and starting to help more as well.

But it ended so sad. If you haven't watched it, you may want to just pause this piece, but it ended up, he died earlier in life and I kind of think maybe his caregiving contributed to that  because he was working so hard to be so committed to her in sickness and in health and neglecting his own personal wellbeing.

I just thought this was good. I, I talked to my husband about it last night after I was bawling my eyes out because here's Rebecca sitting at their favorite meeting place. The kids were sprinkling the ashes where they would always gather and she had this face where she didn't know what she was doing. It just made me think about us as caregivers.  Are we  committing  to too much that it's affecting our physical and mental health, and our overall wellbeing.  I want you to think about that because when I thought about it, I'm l say, yeah,  there are things that I probably need to go ahead and relook at after watching this  TV show.

So this leads me into the ways I'm working on it - These personal habits that I have been really working on each and every to reduce my stress.  

Morning routine (that first hour of your day):  Walk or some sort of movement

The University of colorado says  Mental Health Is… Moving Your Body.  Participating in regular movement (i.e. physical activity or exercise) has proven benefits for both our minds and bodies. 

The benefits of movement:  Oftentimes, when we think of movement, we automatically associate it with a sweat-inducing workout at the gym. However, movement can take a number of forms, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. In fact, all types of movement are beneficial for our bodies and minds. Here are just a few of the benefits of moving your body:

• Releases endorphins and helps relieve stress
• Allows us to take a break from everyday challenges and responsibilities
• Helps emotions move through our bodies
• Provides an outlet for self expression
• Strengthens the connection we have with our bodies

Movement is a tangible and accessible coping mechanism for all abilities, fitness levels and ranges of mobility. It can also be a great outlet to meet people, build community and find support in tough times. 

Part of my morning routine is a Spinach shake and water:  Nourish by WebMD says green smoothies are nutrient-rich blends of fruits and vegetables. They’ve become a popular way for people to meet their recommended daily intake of vitamins and minerals. Unlike juices, green smoothies retain the beneficial fiber content from whole foods.

At their most basic, green smoothies combine leafy greens like spinach, kale, arugula, and microgreens with a base liquid like water. While these greens alone can make for a bitter-tasting smoothie, there are tons of combinations that improve its flavor profile and add nutritional content. 

How much water should you drink a day? You probably know that it's important to drink plenty of fluids when the temperatures soar outside. But staying hydrated is a daily necessity, no matter what the thermometer says. Unfortunately, many of us aren't getting enough to drink, especially older adults. "Older people don't sense thirst as much as they did when they were younger. And that could be a problem if they're on a medication that may cause fluid loss, such as a diuretic," says Dr. Julian Seifter, a kidney specialist and associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Water keeps every system in the body functioning properly. The Harvard Medical School Special Health Report 6-Week Plan for Health Eating notes that water has many important jobs, such as:

• carrying nutrients and oxygen to your cells
• flushing bacteria from your bladder
• aiding digestion
• preventing constipation
• normalizing blood pressure
• stabilizing the heartbeat
• cushioning joints
• protecting organs and tissues
• regulating body temperature
• maintaining electrolyte (sodium) balance.

Giving your body enough fluids to carry out those tasks means that you're staying hydrated.

If you don't drink enough water each day, you risk becoming dehydrated. Warning signs of dehydration include weakness, low blood pressure, dizziness, confusion, or urine that's dark in color.

So how much water should you drink? Most people need about four to six cups of water each day.

Journaling: healthline.com shares the  benefits of journaling.

• Reduces stress, boosts health and well-being
• Gives space for negative thoughts
• process emotions
• figure out next steps
• deepens self-discovery 

The one that I think they forgot in their article was positivity and gratitude and goal setting

Night time routine (one hour):  It's all about setting yourself up for a good night sleep.  Some things I do are:  

• Play Music, use the calm app, or read a good book
• If troubled or mind is racing, I journal or create my to do list.  

The most important pieces are to:  

• Set a consistent bed time
• No caffeine in the evening
• No screen time for an hour before sleep
• Plan your thoughts to go to sleep (avoid news, intense movie, or drama)
• Darken room
• Importance of sleep  - When you sleep, you allow your body to repair and rebuild. During this time, the body is able to clear debris from the lymphatic system, which boosts the immune system.

While you sleep, there are many important processes that happen, including:

• Muscle repair
• Protein synthesis
• Tissue growth
• Hormone release
• Reduces stress, improves your memory, helps maintain healthy body weight, may prevent illness, improves our mental health

Eating Healthy:  Eating for energy  (Healthful eating also means replacing foods that contain trans fats, added salt, and sugar with more nutritious options.)

Following a healthful diet has many health benefits, including building strong bones, protecting the heart, preventing disease, and boosting mood.

Hydrating:  Drinking ½ your weight in water

Mini vacation (recharge) concept of getting away for a few minutes, 15 minutes or an hour.  It's important to take mini breaks and when you think of them like mini vacations, you can program yourself to get away mentally and physically.  Here are some ways to take a mini break: 

• Meditation:  Listen to episode 105 where I breaking it down
• Reading 
• TV Shows
• Game / concert
• lunch

Do something you love - something that motivates you, something fun:  These tend to take up a decent amount of mental and/or physical energy, but often provide a lot in return. They're powerful for pulling you out of the current situation and giving you somewhere else to put your attention. In doing so, they're a good reminder there is more to your life than caregiving.  Here are mine:  

• gardening
• knitting
• coloring
• working on your goals (learning a new skill, tennis or golf lesson, take a new class, starting a business, writing a book or podcast
• Coffee, lunch (friend)

Connections:  We talked about the importance of connecting with others outside of your loved one.  Check out Episode 109 Caregiver isolation

I have really focused on connections to help me with my loneliness and to motivate me.  

• Business accountability groups
• Learning group - coaching group
• Friends
• Family, spouse
• Work connections - making an effort to find connections
• Find outside interests
• Caregiver connections - people that know what I am going through.  They have similar challenges and struggles.  
• Caregiver Cup Circle.  This group meetings twice per month via zoom.  If you are looking for a place to connect with other caregivers, we would love to have you.   Through conversations with other caregivers, you can find common experiences and maybe even ideas to make your caregiver life easier.   We would love to have you.  Caring for a loved one requires time, energy and patience but it doesn't have to steel your joy.  The Caregiver Cup Circle may be your mini vacation with friends. 

CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration.
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/