Just 4 weeks after starting my caregiving journey, I stood at the starting line to run my half marathon.  I struggled, cried, and just about quit until I got to mile 10.  

I was numb.   I was lost.   I felt like I lost my purpose.   I was faking everything.   I was supposed to be the supportive wife - Denis was the one sick and needed me.   

I remember getting up on that October Saturday morning and it gray, cloudy with drizzly rain.   It was time to run my half marathon that I trained 12 weeks for.  The only issue is that the last 4 weeks were a total mess.   My Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Then Denis was diagnosed with CLL.   In those 4 weeks, I was  trying to work, run my business, going to doctor appointments and chemotherapy.  I didn’t run much in the last 4 weeks and my nutrition and diet was terrible.   When you ramp up to race day,  your main focus should be getting your body ready physically, nutritionally and mentally and I was so distracted.   Who wouldn’t be.    But I was committed to this race and even if I have to walk it, I will do it.  

With the rain, I wore one of those plastic ponchos over my running shorts, and tank top.  It was a humid 55 degrees at the starting line.   The starting line was filled with women runners for the annual breast cancer run and everyone was listening to the “pump up” music and then the national anthem.   It took me a few minutes to feel the emotions of starting a race, but this time it was way different.    I felt nervous, stressed, worried and dreading my passion.    Denis was standing on the sideline smiling like he always does.   This guy is going through cancer and he is supporting me.   I felt so much guilty at that moment.  

The gun goes off and the race begins.   My feet and legs were so...

It was just six weeks after my husband's diagnosis and I was privately searching for help.   I was silently feeling more and more overwhelmed with feelings of uncertainty, worry, stress and sadness.   These negative thoughts and feelings were consuming my day and distracting me from what was really happening.  

My normal morning routine changed and I had to figure out this new normal now.  So I decided to upload the book"Girl Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis on Audible.  Little did I know that Rachel's words would help me shift my routine.    I found peace in walking and listening to her motivation and positivity.   Eventually I heard her talk about journaling gratitude and the benefits she gained.   

I bought my first "Start Today" journal from The Hollis Company.  It structured a daily practice where you write down the 5 things you are grateful for each day.  You really didn't need to buy the journal but for me buying a book reinforced the commitment to myself.  So each morning I added this daily practice.  It was something I looked forward to.  I brewed my cup of coffee and sat in my chair by the window and spent 10 minutes reflecting on the day before.   Even when days were tough, you can find 5 things you are grateful for.    I might doodle and add a picture or make some extra notes but mostly just focused on the good things.  

My picture here shows a couple of my entries.   Simple positive gratitude, is all it takes.   

By grabbing a pen and notebook each morning, you are training your brain to focus on what yesterday's positive happenings are.  Some days will be hard to find those grateful moments but other days you will see tons.   I would even find myself in the day saying, this will be in my journal tomorrow.  

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