Finding Joy, No Matter What

I have been really troubled lately when I hear caregivers say…...

• “This is the way it is now”
• “I wish I could enjoy time out”
• “I can’t ask them, they have their own life”
• “I have to carry this alone”

This may sound harsh and bold,  and I don’t mean it to be this way.   But when you look at the glass half empty , you'll continue to stay that way.   Complaining, moping and negativity are easy.  

Yes,  you are experiencing a terrible, challenging time.   I'm sending hugs and warm thoughts.   BUT,  let me be your best friend in your ear.   You have to pick yourself up!   Everything, I mean everything in your life isn't broken.  Yes, your spouse is sick, your new normal is hard but there are parts that are ok.  

Today I want to talk about making the best of EVERY situation.  

I'm hearing many complaining about the holidays not being good this year.   Yes, we're quarantining and being asked to stay home.  But, what about those ppl that lost their loved ones?  What about the people that lost their jobs and are losing their home?

Instead of saying and thinking negative.  Think:  No hustle and bustle, I don’t have to get dressed up.  I don’t have to travel.  We can stay in our pjs all day.   We can have dinner anytime we want to.   We can try new things.  We can Facetime our families.  

Same goes for you!  Instead of focusing on the challenges first , I encourage you to find joy & gratitude first.

Let’s do something fun.   I’ll  give you a couple situations we can find a piece of joy in it.   

 Your sump pump stopped working.  You walk down your basement and it’s flooded.  Four inches of water and everything is wet.  Your spouse just had knee surgery and can’t help.     Yes, this happened to me.  

• Silver Lining:  I was able to call for help and get my boys over and my mom helped.   It was amazing how we worked together and got the basement cleaned up and a new pump put in 
• I could have focused on the water damage, work and what we lost but that would be wasted energy.  

You and your husband buy tickets to the local theater and are watching a Christmas musical.  First night out in months.  You look at your spouse and know that he isn’t feeling well.   He is trying so hard to enjoy the night out and doesn’t want to disappoint you.  

• You look at him and say thank you for trying to get out.  You ask, do you want to go home.  He says yes, “I am feeling nauseous”.  
• You could let yourself feel down and disappointed but instead you embrace that you got out and watched the first set.   The next morning, you thank him again for trying.  

In these trying days, you can easily lose sight of joy, hope, and happiness. When the world feels like it’s spiraling out of control and all seems to be lost, holding onto positive feelings can be a tough thing.

Do you ever notice how some folks always seem to have their chins up, even on the worst of days? It’s a valuable trait, and it’s also one that most people have to learn with time as a skill. 

Here are my ways to find your joy, even in difficult times.

1.   PAY ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS

This doesn’t mean to obsess over the small details. Instead, it means to turn your focus onto small little moments that make a day brighter. Look for small things, like:

• your favorite snack
• A scent you like
• The way your outfit looks on you 
• The precious, private moments you share with your spouse or family

2.   EXERCISE

It can feel challenging to get moving when you’re dealing with bad times, but a lack of physical activity  and completely ignoring exercise will make you feel more sluggish and tired while also furthering your poor mood.

• Walking 
• Dancing
• Yoga
• Biking
• Gardening

3.   STAY GRATEFUL

Gratitude can have potent effects on the mind. When you actively seek out things to be thankful for, you’re able to keep a more  positive attitude, reducing your risk of developing depressive symptoms, chronic stress, and anxiety-related problems.

I recommend journaling 5 things you are grateful for each morning which starts your day off positive.   Grab a notebook, pen and sit with yourself.  Get specific and embrace the little things

4.   DRESS UP 

Stuck at home?  No one comes over due to COVID?  I love my comfy clothes. 

Whatever the case, you can make yourself feel a little better by dressing up, putting on makeup, fixing your hair and putting on some jewelry.   Changing it up and dressing up can me you feel confident, happier and refreshed.  

5.   SET GOALS AND PURSUE PASSION

As you adjust to your new normal, it’s important relook at your goals and passions.  Depending on your situation, you may have to do some adjusting but don’t discount yourself.

Try to pick new goals that excite you and give you some motivation. Don’t make them unreasonable, of course, but do make them challenging. This will provide you with something to work towards, so you get to improve yourself and your mood at the same time.

6.   DON’T FORGET SELF-CARE

Self-care has become a somewhat “basic” term over the years. Despite its buzzword-type popularity, it has plenty of merits. Self-care is incredibly important to your wellbeing.

However, more importantly, it has to genuinely be a moment of complete rest. This means that it’s not self-care if you’re watching a show while working or thinking about how much work you have to do. You have to allow yourself to completely forget about all your commitments for a while.

Some ideas for self-care include:

• Giving yourself a spa day
• Soaking in a bath
• Curling up with a good book
• Eating something you love
• Meditating
• Watching a good movie 

7.   FIND WAYS TO LAUGH

Laughter isn’t just contagious. It’s also influential. Even if you don’t feel like laughing, the act of doing so releases endorphins, which are positive hormones.  The body can’t actually discern real laughs from fake laughs, so you get the boost from fake laughter, too.

Laughter can help those around you to laugh, and according to research, it also has other benefits, such as:

• Relieving pain
• Reducing stress
• Improving immunity

8.   MEDITATE

Meditation can sound boring, but it has plenty of positive benefits for the body, including:

• The release of feel-good hormones
• The reduction of stress
• The improvement of cardiovascular health

When you meditate, you force your brain and body to be at complete rest for a decent amount of time. You let go of your worries, your anxieties, and your fears, and you focus instead on being present in the current moment. It’s an excellent exercise for better positive thinking and can give you perspective.

9. TURN OFF OR TUNE OUT NEGATIVITY

During this challenging time, taking a break from people and things that cause stress and anxiety may be needed.   Pay attention to your mood, energy and stress levels when watching the news, going on social media and talking to certain family and friends.

Taking a break from all the facades and letting your walls come down is a straightforward but effective way to find joy in your life.  Be your real, genuine, authentic self, and the rest will follow.

10. SING AND DANCE

Most people sing and dance when they’re happy, so you might not feel like doing either of these things in difficult times. But you should! Singing and dancing both serve as a mild form of exercise. Both activities release positive hormones known as endorphins, giving you a mood boost when you perform either of them.

It’s even better if you can do this in groups, as participating in such activities through groups synchronizes many bodily functions, making for a deeper and more connected feeling. This type of connection can really help to ease the adverse side effects of tough times.

11. BE ONE WITH NATURE

Nature is breathtaking, and we don’t get to see enough of it thanks to bustling cities and time spent indoors.   Just spending time in nature by going on walks, exploring wooded areas, and gardening can be great for you. Even if you can’t go on big excursions, spending a bit of time among trees, flowers, or even just grass can help you find some happiness in the dark.

12. GET ENOUGH SLEEP

Sleep is crucial to everyday health. Its restorative properties allow the body to repair itself and get more durable, and a healthy sleep cycle maintains the body’s natural rhythm, allowing you to wake up and sleep comfortably at reasonable times.

This is great for regulating positive thinking and making sure you have the energy you need for everyday tasks. It’s hard to feel joyful when you feel exhausted all the time. Try to:

• Get at least 7 hours of sleep per night
• Wake up and sleep at the same times every day
• Make sure your room is comfortable and conducive to sleep
• Don’t eat, drink caffeine or alcohol, or exercise within 4 hours of bedtime

13. COOK

Cooking is a fantastic way to make yourself healthy, hearty meals in an inexpensive way that helps fill your time and makes you feel more useful. It’s a productive task that gives you full control over your kitchen, and the rewards come very quickly. 

• Invite a friend over and ask it they want to help you meal prep
• Bake some cookies and make yourself a cup of coffee

 You will find my list in the notes or at cathylvan.com/episode8.    Making a conscious effort each day to choose joy even with the cards you were dealt.   It took me months to find the joy in my Caregiving journey.  A real, hard effort and I am still working on it today and every day.   I have a calendar with and inspirational quote each day.   Today’s reads:  “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” - Wayne Dryer