How gratitude can get you through caregiver challenges

How Gratitude Can Get You Through Challenges

Just 4 weeks after starting my caregiving journey, I stood at the starting line to run my half marathon.  I struggled, cried, and just about quit until I got to mile 10.  

I was numb.   I was lost.   I felt like I lost my purpose.   I was faking everything.   I was supposed to be the supportive wife - Denis was the one sick and needed me.   

I remember getting up on that October Saturday morning and it gray, cloudy with drizzly rain.   It was time to run my half marathon that I trained 12 weeks for.  The only issue is that the last 4 weeks were a total mess.   My Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Then Denis was diagnosed with CLL.   In those 4 weeks, I was  trying to work, run my business, going to doctor appointments and chemotherapy.  I didn’t run much in the last 4 weeks and my nutrition and diet was terrible.   When you ramp up to race day,  your main focus should be getting your body ready physically, nutritionally and mentally and I was so distracted.   Who wouldn’t be.    But I was committed to this race and even if I have to walk it, I will do it.  

With the rain, I wore one of those plastic ponchos over my running shorts, and tank top.  It was a humid 55 degrees at the starting line.   The starting line was filled with women runners for the annual breast cancer run and everyone was listening to the “pump up” music and then the national anthem.   It took me a few minutes to feel the emotions of starting a race, but this time it was way different.    I felt nervous, stressed, worried and dreading my passion.    Denis was standing on the sideline smiling like he always does.   This guy is going through cancer and he is supporting me.   I felt so much guilty at that moment.  

The gun goes off and the race begins.   My feet and legs were so heavy.    I just kept going.  I had to keep going.   After about a mile, I ripped off the poncho since I was heated.    Then in mile 2-3,  I was feeling a bit happy.  It felt good being out there running and listening to my music.   The sun actually peaked out.  

I see Denis at mile 6 and started bawling.   All my emotions of the last month started to bubble up.   How was I going to keep this up?   Why is cancer deciding to visit both of the men in my life?   I don’t want to face this challenge.    More and more.  At one point a lady asked me if I was ok.   I said - running sure brings up your deepest emotions.  She looked at me and shared her story of breast cancer and how she fought 2 years and now she is running again.  

At mile 8, I was super angry.   I wanted my old life back.  Life will never be the same.  I even felt sorry for myself.  I had all these dreams and goals for myself and now I may have to postpone them.    I stopped at that moment and walked for a few minutes and told myself that I CAN choose to work through this or I CAN stop.   I CHOOSE TO positivity, optimism and fight. 

At mile 10, which is the hardest part for me.  Your mind starts playing tricks with you and all you want to do is quit.     So I started focusing on gratitude.  I started saying OUTLOUD….   As others looked at me and joined in.    I am grateful for……..  Running this half marathon.    Denis supporting me.    The women I met along the way.  The volunteers cheering me on.   My optimistic and positive spouse.  The doctors and nurses helping us along the way.   My team for being supportive.   My sons.   My grand girls.   My supportive friends.   You get the picture.  

As I got to the finish line at 13.1 miles.   I was totally exhausted physically and mentally.    It was my worst running timed race ever BUT the best mental race I ever ran.    If I would have listened to others and my mind prior and didn’t run that morning, I wouldn’t have processed through this tough thing.  

 Now I am not saying you have to run a half marathon.  Everyone processes differently.    

But what I want to talk through in this podcast is the 10th mile and when I discovered the importance of gratitude.    You will get to that so called 10th mile of frustration, anger, sadness and resignation.   How are you going to pull yourself to that “good space”?

Quote for Jennifer Gayle:

"When you look at life through the eyes of gratitude, the world becomes a magical and amazing place."

There are huge benefits for adding gratitude to your daily habits.     

It increases productivity - gratitude trains the brain and shifts your mindset to focus on the good.  This in turn increases your happiness, joy and boosts your mood.  

• Making it a habit first thing in the morning.   Making it a priority especially in tough times is so important.   I recommend journaling.   Each morning I grab my notebook (cup of coffee) and write 5 things I am grateful for.    
• Not basic things but really specific things.    As I am looking at my journal back in December of 2017, when things were really challenging I read an entry ……  I am grateful for:   
• The kind words from my friend Julie
• A walk with Denis to talk through our tough week
• My doggie kisses when I really needed them
• Singing in the shower to boost my mood
• Talking to mom 

Keeping a journal is a very personal activity and it allows you to record your achievements.  It builds self-esteem.  When you wake up each day and compliment YOU, your soul feels appreciation and purpose.   

• I am proud of myself for _______________________
• Healthy habit
• Asking for help
• Finishing my project
• Spending time with my spouse

Get my free template that I write in my journal each day by click on the podcast notes or going out to www.cathylvan/gratitude    This free handout can simply be transferred into your notebook.   The important thing is that you can adjust it a bit based on your needs.   I actually have added: my top 3 priorities for the day to it too.   This helps me keep my focus on these even when life gets super busy.  

On those super hard days, you can pull out that journal before bed and write down grateful sentiments which can help you sleep better vs pondering over worries.    It reminds me of that 10th mile and I can choose to be in that downward spiral or I can choose positivity

All in all grateful people take better care of themselves. Now this is a habit.   A habit takes on average 28 days to form.  Think about things you do each day without thinking - like brushing your teeth, brewing your coffee, making your bed, eating lunch, etc.  

When you decide to journal each day, you will find that you can shift your focus and thought.  You’re able to feel more positive emotions, relish the good in each day and the good experiences and build stronger experiences.