The two ways you become a caregiver and how to manage it

The two ways you become a caregiver and how to manage it. 

There are two ways you become a caregiver:  

The first I call the creeper.   Maybe you can think of a better word…..    

1.  Caregiving often creeps up on you.  

It may start with dropping by your mom’s house and doing her laundry or taking your dad to a doctor’s appointment.  You find yourself doing the grocery shopping or refilling prescriptions.  Gradually, you are doing more and more.  At some point, you realize you have a commitment to take care of someone else

I can relate with my Mom aging.  Soon she won’t be driving. 

Or for others 

2.  The Sudden Event

Sometimes caregiving is triggered by a major health event, such as a stroke, heart attack, or accident.  Maybe you suddenly realize that dad’s memory lapses have become dangerous.  

The Sudden Events for me was my spouse showing me lumps in his groin area and under his arms.  We made an appointment and it all started.  Another -   It was that phone call from my parents saying that Dad’s needs an endoscopy because his CT scans showed an enlarged pancreas and spots on his liver.  Another,  it was taking my husband for knee surgery and getting the instructions of care.

Life as you know it stops, and all your energy goes to caring for your loved one.  Caregiving has become your new career, and you adjust to a new normal.  

We as caregivers are spouses, partners, adult children, parents, other relatives, siblings, aunts, nieces, nephews, in-laws, grandchildren, friends, and neighbors.    Did I miss any - if I did, drop me a DM @cathylynnvan on IG or on my business page on FB at The Caregiver Cup.  

Whatever your relationship with the person, you’re caring for, it’s important that you add the title CAREGIVER to the list of things you are.  Without identifying yourself as a caregiver, you won’t know to search for resources that can help you navigate this new role.  

You play other roles too.   You may be employed full-time or part-time.  Maybe you're an entrepreneur.  You may be raising children, or be a volunteer, a spouse, have other family commitments.  Adding caregiving to your list can easily lead to frustration, exhaustion.  Think about those everyday things that you now do:

• Calling the doctor, insurance companies and advocating care
• Day to day needs  while trying to do the same things you were doing before your caregiver title.  

Oh and then let’s talk about training.  What training?!   You are rarely trained to do the broad task.   

• I remember getting an instruction sheet after my spouse’s knee surgery.  Picture me with the deer in the head light look.  I have to do what?????
• My sister taught me the basics of CNA care when taking care of my dad like the belt, rolling him over, changing him, etc.  
• Maybe you get instructions on how to transfer your mom from the wheelchair to the bed.  Or you just figure it out on your own.  
• Or you find yourself battling your Loved One who has Alzheimers because you have not learned the skills necessary to communicate with someone with a cognitive impairment.  

I would recommend you make a list of all that you do as a caregiver.  

• Buy groceries, cook, clean, laundry, provide transportation
• Help LO get dressed, shower, give medicine
• Move someone out of bed/chair, help with PT, provide medical jobs like injections, wound tx, breathing treatments
• Arrange doctor apts, drive them to dr, sit in during apts, monitor medications.  
• Talk to doctor nurses, care managers and others to understand their needs
• Spend time handling crises and arrange assistance - especially when left alone
• Handling finances and other legal matters
• Be their companion - usually an unpaid 24/7 support

List them all out.  I would include what other help you have and what they do.   I think of it as your resume for caregiving or your SOP (standard operating procedures).  

Am I overwhelming you?   It’s not my intent.  My intent is for you to see it all!!   If you don’t see it, you just keep going and that can lead to Caregiver Stress which is a true diagnosis which can lead to Caregiver Burnout.  

Here are my 10  steps to do when you are a New Caregivers (or this can be Taking a Step Back as an Existing Caregiver)

Reason i think you should do this is…….It’s easy to become overwhelmed as a new caregiver.

1. Identify yourself as the caregiver 
2. Get a good diagnosis and understand your Loved One's condition.  
3. Learn what specific skills you might need to care them with that diagnosis.  (dementia requires specific communications and safety care, chronic heart disease requires meds, monitoring)
4. Find your team of care advocates 
5. Talk about finances and healthcare wishes
6. Complete the paperwork (Ie power of attorney, advanced directives)
7. Bring family and friends together to discuss care
8. Keep them up to date on the current situation and find the right way to communicate
9. Find support for yourself and your Loved One
10. Remember you are not alone and you can’t do it all.  

It’s important to try to get ahead of the overwhelm or recognize when you need help.  There are three levels of True Caregiver Overwhelm.  

• Caregiver Stress  
• Caregiver burnout
• Compassion Fatigue

Disclaimer - I am not a medical professional but have done tons of research to understand this.  I’ve been there and actually diagnosed with Caregiver Stress and can relate to it.   

Get my free download that explains more in detail at  cathylvan.com/caregiverstress

So if I circle back, it’s really important to bring in family and friends to help and find support for your Loved One and most importantly you.   Find yourself a therapist or caregiver coach.  This will really help you see the reality, different perspectives and problem solve.    

Take care my friend and if there is anything I can help you with, drop me a DM or join me in the Caregiver Cup Community.