E66: Do You Have The "If Only" or "What If" Caregiver Syndrome?

A light bulb moment happened between our my wedding anniversary celebration and today, that I want to share with you.  You know I'm all about sharing my challenges, struggles and experiences with you in hopes that it will help you.  As you are listening to this and you have more insights, definitely, DM me on Instagram @cathylynnvan or message me on on The Caregiver Cup Facebook Page.
  
Do you catch yourself saying  "if only"  statements? 

• If only things were different and my loved one wasn’t sick, I would do this.   
• If only cancer didn’t stick its nose into my damm life, I could do something fun.   
• If only I didn’t have to work and make sure we have health insurance. 

Is the “if only” syndrome robbing you of your happiness?   A bad case of the “if onlys” eats away at gratitude.   It makes us focus on the things we don’t have.  

This is not so easy to do. We are all plagued by “if only”-ism often.   What are yours?  

It’s a guarantee of unhappiness.

The other trap is “What if?”:

• “What if I lose my job”
• “What if lose our home?”
• “What if my loved one doesn’t get better?”
• “What if my friends don’t understand me?”
• “What if just leave?”
• “What if the medical tests bring bad news?”
• “What if get sick?”
• “What if I fail?”
  
  

This mindset leads to fear. I am afraid of what will happen if the “What if” comes true. And this can be a paralyzing fear.

 The “What if” syndrome is especially hard for those of us with an overactive imagination—we are often visionaries; we are creative. We tend to have this weakness, however: We can create the worst-case scenario in our imagination in three seconds flat! It can be terrifying.

 What’s at the core of your thoughts? That’s what you have to figure out.  That’s what I had to figure out.  Why was I feeling this way?  Why was my mind going there?  What was the root cause.?

 We may recognize that’s not realistic, but too often we live with the thoughts without even realizing it.   I had to accept that when I am overwhelmed and tired, it’s easy me to go to the negative side.   It’s my “fall to” mindset.  

Overall, journaling/expressive writing has been found to:  PositivePyschology.com

• Boost your mood/affect
• Enhance your sense of well-being
• Reduce symptoms of depression before an important event 
• Reduce intrusion and avoidance symptoms post-trauma
• Improve your working memory
  
  

I can’t stress enough the power to journal  5 things you are grateful.  Writing it down trains your brain to think gratitude first. In my situation, I didn’t ignore the negativity.  I spent time writing it out.