E223: What to Do When Lack Of Motivation Hits as a Caregiver

Introduction

As caregivers, we face countless challenges daily, from managing appointments to juggling house chores and dealing with the emotional toll of caring for our loved ones. It's no surprise that we can sometimes feel a lack of motivation, fall into a funk, or feel utterly exhausted. Today, I want to dive into this topic because it’s something I’ve personally experienced and a challenge I coach other caregivers on.

The Reality of Caregiving

First, let’s acknowledge the reality of caregiving. This life is hard, filled with new and old challenges, constant juggling, and pure exhaustion. It often feels like we’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of doing hard, unappreciated tasks and handling critical details that rarely get noticed. And yet, despite the high expectations placed on us, we rarely get the time away we desperately need.

So, what do you do when you wake up and just don’t feel like doing this job today? What do you do when you just want to sit and do nothing? What do you do when you feel stuck? That’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today because, as caregivers, there’s no such thing as “calling in sick.”

Common Thoughts of Caregivers

One of the biggest mistakes I see caregivers make is beating themselves up. Heck, I say it to myself – “What the heck is wrong with you, Cathy?” Many clients I coach come to me with their stories, and when we really peel back the layers, one common thread is a lack of motivation and sheer exhaustion.

Here are some common thoughts caregivers have:

• "I can't keep up with everything anymore."
• "No matter what I do, it's never enough."
• "I'm so tired, I don't have any energy left."
• "Why am I even trying? It doesn’t seem to make a difference."
• "I feel so alone in this, and no one understands."
• "I'm not doing a good job, I should be able to handle this better."
• "I miss my old life; I feel like I've lost myself."
• "I'm constantly overwhelmed and don't know where to start."
• "I feel guilty for wanting a break or some time for myself."
• "Every day feels the same, and it's hard to see any progress."

Can you relate to one or more of these? This is not to discourage you. I’m not trying to be a downer here, but it’s important to validate where you are at. However, it’s equally important to celebrate the days when you feel motivated, joyful, and ready to take on the world. Those moments are just as real and should be cherished.

Understanding the Root Cause

Feeling a lack of motivation and drive is something we all experience. If I were sitting down with you, we would dig deep into the root cause. Let’s say you come to me and say, “I am so overwhelmed.” My first question would be, “Why?”

You might say, “I have so much going on.” I would then ask you to tell me more. You’d explain your appointments, the details of care tasks, house chores, your crazy job, and more. Then I’d ask about your physical symptoms – sluggishness, fatigue, headaches, stomach aches.

Next, we’d talk about your emotional health. What are you feeling and thinking about yourself? And you might say, “Oh boy! I feel so alone. One minute I’m crying, the next I’m ready to explode, then I’m sad, and then I have no hope.”

To find out what the root cause is, we have to really peel back the entire onion. The why and root cause really matter, and learning skills and strategies to work through them is crucial.

Tools for Your Motivation Toolkit

Lack of motivation, loss of energy, and feeling stuck are signs that you need to pay attention to. In one example, by asking why, telling me more, and describing it in detail, we discovered her lack of motivation was due to a few things: 1. Loneliness and isolation, 2. Ignoring her self-care, 3. Her loved one’s declining health, and 4. Five years of caregiving.

We celebrate these discoveries because we now know what to work on and can create strategies and tools to help. Here are some tools for your personalized toolkit that can help you when you don’t feel that motivation to keep going each day:

• Motivational Quotes: Find quotes that make you smile, ground you, and remind you of your strength. Save them to your phone, print them up, and have easy access to them when you need them.
• Music List: Create a playlist of music that can calm you down or take you away for a moment.
• Fun Video List: Whether it’s puppy videos or prank videos, find something that makes you laugh and lifts your spirits.
• Turn Off Negative Influences: Avoid anything that could fuel your negative thoughts (no news, no social media).
• Move Your Body: A walk works wonders for me, and it’s my go-to. For others, it might be meditation or dancing. One client loves to dance it out.
• Motivation Mentor: Find someone in your life who can be your motivation mentor. This person can be your sounding board when you feel stuck. They won’t solve your problems but will support you in the way you need.
• Sit with Yourself: Journaling, washing your face, deep breathing, or taking a nap can be incredibly helpful.
• Fake It: Sometimes just getting dressed up, having a cup of coffee, or putting on some nice perfume can lift your mood.

But don’t forget, when you are in this state, you can’t just sweep it under the rug. You also need to ask why it’s happening and understand the causes. It might be as simple as not getting a good night’s sleep or going through a rough season, but validating that is important.

Ask yourself:

• How do I feel today?
• What is the cause?
• What can I postpone today that doesn’t need to be done?
• What can I do to shift my mindset, mood, and energy?
• Can I do one thing that’s fun today?

Remember, these actions don’t have to take a lot of time. Dancing it out could take 5 minutes, or a walk around the block could recharge you in 20 minutes.

Conclusion

Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect on this important topic. I hope you found these insights helpful and encouraging. Remember, it’s okay to feel unmotivated sometimes. Recognize it, understand it, and use your tools to get back on track. Be kind to yourself and keep prioritizing your health and happiness. Until next time, take care.